Holiday Survival Guide

Holiday Survival Guide

As children, we often look to the holidays with anticipation and wonder. Like you, I have fond memories of twinkling Christmas lights, crackling fires, Thanksgiving feasts, and waking up to gifts under the tree. As adults, the holidays stir up more than pleasant sentiments. During the holiday season, we are reminded of hurt and loss. The void left by lost friends and family members during holiday celebrations is agonizingly felt. Preparing for family visits, coordinating meals, sleeping arrangements, and transportation can really leave one’s head spinning. The stress of cramming several people into one house, and the ensuing drama can be emotionally draining. On the other hand, the lack of companionship during the holidays can be excruciatingly painful. Add the constant bombardment of ads for toys, appliances and electronic gadgets and gizmos, and you have a recipe for a monster 30-day headache. Here are five tips that I share with my clients on how to weather the holiday season:

This too shall pass.

Acknowledging your stress or pain during the holidays is your first step. Do not try to minimize or shove away what you’re feeling. Painful memories hurt and it’s okay to hurt. There’s nothing wrong with you when feeling grief or stress during the holidays. Listen to your body. You’re hurting for a reason, so honor and acknowledge it, then practice self care. Also, know that these feelings will pass.

Take time for yourself.

It’s very easy to get caught up in hustle and bustle of the holidays. Simply by the shear nature of running around to stores, planning, cooking, managing kids off from school, you will experience physical and emotional fatigue. Make sure that you plan time for yourself. This may look like going for a walk, sneaking away to watch a show, or reading a book. If you can, find time to exercise. Getting your heart rate up will help you feel better, and you will have some time to decompress.

Set clear boundaries.

It’s okay to say, "No." When family visits, we can get caught up in taking care of others or in family drama. If you feel overwhelmed, or you are placed in an uncomfortable situation, say, "No." People will respect you more when you hold firm to your boundaries. In any case, it’s important that you communicate your feelings with your loved ones. Let them know when you are tired and need a breather. If you have children, I would encourage you to work with your spouse to keep on the same page when parenting. Children can also feel the stressful energy, and they may test your boundaries in response. With children, be clear and consistent with consequences for inappropriate behaviors.

Participate in service.

Consider planning a service project for your family. There’s nothing like getting in the holiday spirit like thinking of others above yourself. This can also be a great teachable moment for your children about humility and sacrifice. In addition, if you are spending the holidays alone, service can help you stay active and keep your mind occupied in healthy ways. Who knows who you’ll meet?

Set a budget.

It’s very easy to blow your budget. Develop a plan and stick to it. Our culture is built on instant gratification and making emotional decisions, and the holidays are filled with emotion. Do not fall into the trap of emotional spending or using purchases to self sooth. This will never end well, and you will more than likely experience a large helping of buyer’s remorse.

5 Myths About Marriage & Family Therapists

5 Myths About Marriage & Family Therapists

I have noticed over the years that there are many common misconceptions people have about marriage and family therapists.   I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Illinois, so some of what I am saying may be influenced by my specific experiences and location.  Here are a few of the things I wish people would understand.  Can any of you think of ones I have missed?

#1 We Only Work With Marriages and Families

This is not true. Marriage and family therapists have unique training and conceptualize problems in a relational context or, in other words, they consider your significant relationships. Marriage and family therapists are qualified to treat individuals, couples, families, children, groups, etc. We just treat them from a family systems perspective.

#2 MFTs Only Work in Private Practices

False! Marriage and family therapists work in many different settings including:

1. Business consulting

2. Churches

3. Community mental health centers

4. Courts

5. Employee assistance programs

6. Hospitals

7. Inpatient facilities

8. Prisons

9. Private practice

10. Research centers

11. Schools

12. Social service agencies

13. Universities

I am sure there are even more out there. Marriage and family therapists practice in a wide range of environments.

#3 Marriage and Family Therapy is Just a Specialization

This one is not true either. According to the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, the US Federal government considers marriage and family therapy to be one of the five core mental health professions. The others are psychiatry, psychology, social work, and psychiatric nursing. Each is considered to be a separate field with a unique treatment approach.

#4 Anyone Who Works with Couples or Families is a MFT

Wrong again. There are many different approaches to working with families and other mental health professions treat families, too. A social worker may do a wonderful job with a family in counseling, but this does not make them a marriage and family therapist.

#5 MFTs Cannot Treat Mental Illness

Not even close. Research suggests that marriage and family therapists are effective in treating a full range of mental and emotional disorders and health problems (Sprenkle, 2003). Addiction, drug abuse, anxiety, depression, alcoholism, eating disorders, and marital problems are only a few examples of problems treated by marriage and family therapists.

I am not offended when people have these misconceptions about marriage and family therapy.  However, I do feel that it is a significant part of my professional identity.  I am very proud of the life changing training that I have received and I want it to be acknowledged correctly as a part of who I am.

To my fellow MFTs, have you ever had a client or family member have one of these misconceptions? Did I miss any? I hope this helps and feel free to share!

References

Sprenkle, D. H. (2003), effectiveness research in marriage and family therapy: introduction. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 29, 85–96.