“Through others, we become ourselves.” Lev Vygotsky’s words are a truth when it comes to family systems. Vygotsky’s zones of proximal development greatly influence my reparenting interventions. There are four pillars to the concept of reparenting that are found in the work of Nicole LePera, who like Vygotsky examines how personalities are formed, frequently it is through family, in particular parents.

A family reunion is held. Forty relatives of a large family are gathered around a picnic table. Orange juice, and the aroma of barbecue are in the southern summer air as memories are made. Discussions are had of wonderful events in the family’s past: triumphs and tragedies. The gregarious spirit of the gathered is welcoming. There’s two people there who aren’t engaging with the gathered, though. We’ll call them Senior and Junior. Senior is quiet, he married into this family. He doesn’t speak to anyone unless he is spoken too. Junior does the same. Junior grows up and frequently struggles to connect with others. Junior never connected with his mother. Junior’s personality was introverted. His relationships were shallow. Junior grew up alone and frequently found the wrong crowd to hang out with. Junior struggled to find his identity and had many difficulties along the way. He sat across from me and told me his story in a prior practice I worked at.

Junior did not really know what he valued. He didn’t really know himself other than what his father, Senior had taught him. There was next to nothing when it came to his own self-education. There also was a problematic element of favoritism. Remember when I told you that Junior didn’t connect with his mother ever? Well, his older brother connected with her and was the “Golden child of the family.” In the reparenting groups I lead, Junior was able to hear stories of how he was not alone. Others had families where they simply did not fit in. Junior worked through the four pillars of reparenting.

Discipline (Rulebook for your life)
Self-Care (Staying afloat)
Joy (Seeking it out)
Emotional Regulation (Owning your moments)

Junior recognized that it was time to change, Junior pursued counseling, and then Junior began the process of reparenting. He learned his values, wrote his rules, and discovered that he in fact was not Senior. He was someone who needed to walk his own pathway through his life. He found his pathway through the four pillars of reparenting.

Can you relate to this post? Is it time to figure out who you really are? Give our office a call at 309-713-1485. We can help!