“I’m in Holland”: Embracing the Unexpected in Therapy and in Life

In Lori Gottlieb’s bestselling memoir Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, she shares a poignant metaphor that has stayed with me—and with many of my clients—long after the final page. It’s called “Welcome to Holland.” Originally penned by Emily Perl Kingsley, this short essay describes the experience of raising a child with a disability, but its message resonates far beyond parenting. It’s about grief, acceptance, and the beauty of the unexpected.

As a therapist, I often return to this metaphor in my work with couples, individuals, and families navigating life’s detours. Because the truth is, we all have our “Holland” moments—times when life doesn’t go according to plan.

The Metaphor: A Change in Destination

Imagine you’ve planned a trip to Italy. You’ve studied the language, dreamed of the food, and envisioned the art and architecture. But when the plane lands, the flight attendant announces, “Welcome to Holland.”

At first, you’re confused. Disappointed. This isn’t what you signed up for. But as time passes, you begin to notice that Holland has its own charm—tulips, windmills, Rembrandt. It’s not Italy, but it’s beautiful in its own right.

This metaphor captures the emotional journey of adjusting to a reality that diverges from our expectations. Whether it’s a diagnosis, a breakup, infertility, a career change, or a loss—we all board planes to Italy and sometimes land in Holland.

How This Shows Up in Therapy

In my practice, I see “Holland” moments all the time:

• A couple enters therapy hoping to “fix” their partner, only to discover that healing requires mutual vulnerability and change.

• A parent grieves the loss of the imagined future for their child, learning to embrace who their child truly is.

• An individual mourns the life they thought they’d have by now—marriage, children, a certain career path—and must redefine what fulfillment looks like.

These are not failures. They are invitations to reimagine our lives with compassion and curiosity.

The Grief of Letting Go

What makes “Holland” so hard is that it requires us to grieve the loss of what we thought would be. And grief is not linear. It’s messy, unpredictable, and deeply personal.

In therapy, we create space for that grief. We name it. We honor it. And then, slowly, we begin to explore what Holland has to offer. We ask: What beauty exists here that I couldn’t have seen before? What strengths have I discovered in myself? What new dreams can I build from this place?

Finding Meaning in the Unexpected

One of the most powerful aspects of Gottlieb’s book is her reminder that therapy isn’t about “fixing” people—it’s about helping them find meaning in their experiences. The “I’m in Holland” moment is not about settling; it’s about reframing. It’s about recognizing that while life may not look like the brochure, it can still be rich, meaningful, and even joyful.

Final Thoughts

At Summit Family Therapy, we walk alongside people in their Holland moments. We help them grieve what was lost, discover what is, and imagine what could be. Because healing doesn’t always mean returning to the original plan—it often means learning to love the life you didn’t expect.

If you’re feeling like you’ve landed somewhere unfamiliar, know this: you’re not alone. And Holland, with all its unexpected beauty, might just be the place where you find yourself.

Debunking Common Myths in Couples Therapy

Couples therapy is a transformative space where partners can reconnect, heal, and grow. Yet, many couples hesitate to seek help due to persistent myths and misperceptions. As a licensed marriage and family therapist, I’ve seen how these beliefs can delay or derail the healing process.

Let’s explore and debunk some of the most common myths I encounter in my work with couples.

Myth #1: “Couples therapy is only for relationships in crisis.”

Many believe therapy is a last-ditch effort when a relationship is on the brink of collapse. In truth, couples therapy is most effective when used proactively. It can help partners navigate transitions, improve communication, and deepen emotional intimacy before issues become entrenched.

Research supports this: early intervention in relational conflict leads to better outcomes and prevents long-term distress (Lebow, Chambers, Christensen, & Johnson, 2012). Therapy isn’t just for crisis—it’s for connection.

Myth #2: “Therapists should always remain neutral.”

This is a nuanced topic. While traditional models of therapy emphasize neutrality, some modern approaches challenge this idea—most notably, the work of Terry Real, founder of Relational Life Therapy (RLT).

Real argues that strict neutrality can be counterproductive, especially when one partner is engaging in destructive or abusive behavior. In his words, “Therapists who remain neutral in the face of dysfunction are colluding with the dysfunction.” Instead, he advocates for “loving confrontation”—a compassionate but direct approach that holds individuals accountable while supporting the relationship as a whole (Real, 2002).

In my practice, I strive to balance empathy with honesty. Sometimes, that means gently challenging behaviors that harm the relationship, while always maintaining a safe and respectful environment for both partners.

Myth #3: “Therapy means we’ve failed.”

Seeking therapy is not a sign of failure—it’s a sign of commitment. It takes courage to acknowledge challenges and a willingness to grow. Couples who engage in therapy often report increased satisfaction, improved communication, and a renewed sense of partnership (Baucom et al., 1998).

Therapy is not about fixing a “broken” relationship; it’s about building a stronger, more resilient one.

Myth #4: “Therapy is just talking about problems.”

While open dialogue is essential, couples therapy is far more than venting. It’s a structured, evidence-based process that helps partners identify patterns, understand emotional needs, and develop practical tools for change.

Approaches like the Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) provide frameworks for building trust, managing conflict, and fostering emotional connection (Gottman & Silver, 1999; Johnson, 2004).

Myth #5: “Therapy doesn’t work.”

Skepticism is understandable, especially if past experiences were unhelpful. However, numerous studies support the efficacy of couples therapy. A meta-analysis by Shadish and Baldwin (2003) found that couples therapy significantly improves relationship satisfaction and reduces distress.

Success depends on timing, therapist fit, and the couple’s willingness to engage. When both partners are committed, therapy can be deeply transformative.

Final Thoughts

Couples therapy is not a last resort—it’s a courageous step toward deeper connection and understanding. By challenging these myths, we can reduce stigma and open the door for more couples to access the support they deserve.

If you and your partner are considering therapy, know that you don’t have to wait for a crisis. Whether you’re navigating a rough patch or simply want to strengthen your bond, therapy can be a meaningful investment in your relationship’s future.

References

• Baucom, D. H., Shoham, V., Mueser, K. T., Daiuto, A. D., & Stickle, T. R. (1998). Empirically supported couple and family interventions for marital distress and adult mental health problems. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 66(1), 53–88.

• Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Crown Publishing Group.

• Johnson, S. M. (2004). The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy: Creating Connection. Brunner-Routledge.

• Lebow, J., Chambers, A., Christensen, A., & Johnson, S. (2012). Research on the treatment of couple distress. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 38(1), 145–168.

• Real, T. (2002). How Can I Get Through to You? Reconnecting Men and Women. Scribner.

• Shadish, W. R., & Baldwin, S. A. (2003). Meta-analysis of MFT interventions. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 29(4), 547–570.

Why You Shouldn’t Speak Negatively to Your Child About Your Ex-Spouse

Divorce or separation is one of the most difficult transitions a family can experience. Emotions run high, pain is real, and sometimes resentment lingers far beyond the separation itself. In these moments, it may feel natural to vent frustrations about your ex-spouse. But when those negative comments are spoken in front of—or directly to—your children, the consequences can be long-lasting and harmful.

As parents, we want to protect our children. One of the most powerful ways we can do that is by shielding them from harmful narratives about the other parent.

The Impact of Negative Talk on Children

Research consistently shows that children caught between parental conflict often experience increased anxiety, depression, and feelings of divided loyalty. When a child hears one parent criticize the other, they may feel they must choose sides—or worse, feel guilty for continuing to love the “talked about” parent (Amato, 2014).

In fact, studies on high-conflict divorces demonstrate that children exposed to negative talk about one parent are at higher risk for:

• Emotional distress

• Lower self-esteem

• Behavioral issues

• Strained parent-child relationships (Johnston et al., 2016)

When we speak negatively about our ex, children may internalize the conflict as part of their own identity: “If Mom says bad things about Dad, and I’m half Dad, does that mean part of me is bad too?”

A Real-Life Scenario

Consider this example:

Eight-year-old Jacob spends weekends with his father. One Sunday evening, when his dad drops him off, his mom asks if Jacob had fun. Jacob excitedly talks about the movie they saw. His mom sighs and says, “Well, I’m glad you had fun, but your father really should be more responsible with money. He never thinks about the future.”

Jacob doesn’t respond, but later that night he feels sad and conflicted. He wonders if it’s wrong to enjoy time with his dad. He feels guilty for loving both parents. Over time, these comments pile up, leaving Jacob confused, anxious, and unsure of how to navigate his relationships.

What to Say Instead

It’s normal to feel upset with your ex, but your child doesn’t need to carry those feelings. Instead of speaking negatively, shift to supportive or neutral phrases. This helps your child feel secure while still acknowledging their reality.

• Instead of: “Your mom is always late—she doesn’t care about your time.”
  Try: “Sometimes schedules can get tricky, but I’m glad you’re here now.”

• Instead of: “Your dad never follows through.”
  Try: “I know it can feel frustrating when plans change. How are you feeling about it?”

• Instead of: “She’s selfish and doesn’t think about anyone but herself.”
  Try: “We see things differently, but I know she loves you.”

• Instead of: “Your father ruined everything.”
  Try: “The marriage didn’t work out, but we both love you very much.”

These shifts communicate stability and love, helping your child feel safe in both relationships.

Why This Matters

Children do best when they have strong, positive relationships with both parents—even when those parents are no longer together (Kelly & Emery, 2003). By avoiding negative talk, you not only protect your child’s emotional well-being but also model maturity, respect, and resilience.

Remember: your child’s relationship with your ex is separate from your own. Supporting that relationship does not minimize your pain—it magnifies your child’s chance to thrive.

Final Thoughts

Parenting after divorce isn’t easy, but your words hold incredible power. Choosing to speak with kindness, neutrality, or silence about your ex is a profound gift to your child. You are showing them that love can exist beyond conflict, and that they never have to choose between their parents.

If you find yourself struggling with this, therapy can provide a safe space to process your feelings and learn new tools for communication. At Summit Family Therapy, we walk alongside families in transition, helping both parents and children find pathways toward healing and connection.

References

• Amato, P. R. (2014). The consequences of divorce for adults and children: An update. Journal of Marriage and Family, 76(3), 460–480.

• Johnston, J. R., Roseby, V., & Kuehnle, K. (2016). In the name of the child: A developmental approach to understanding and helping children of conflicted and violent divorce. Springer Publishing Company.

• Kelly, J. B., & Emery, R. E. (2003). Children’s adjustment following divorce: Risk and resilience perspectives. Family Relations, 52(4), 352–362.

Not All Healing Happens in Silence: Retreats vs. Therapy Intensives

Group Therapeutic Intensive vs. Retreat: What’s the Difference?

When it comes to healing, growth, and recovering from trauma, there are several formats offered by therapists and wellness providers. Two common options are group therapeutic intensives and retreats. Though they can overlap, they also have distinct features, formats, and goals. Understanding the differences can help you decide what might best support your personal journey. Below is a comparison, informed by Summit Family Therapy’s Women’s Trauma Recovery Intensives.

Why a Psychotherapy Group Intensive Offers More Than Just a Retreat

While wellness retreats provide a beautiful pause from daily stress, a psychotherapy group intensive offers something far more powerful: lasting psychological change.

Unlike retreats that often focus on rest, relaxation, or general wellness, a group therapeutic intensive is designed for real transformation. These intensives are led by licensed mental health professionals and grounded in evidence-based treatment. Over the course of just a few days, participants engage in focused, structured therapeutic work that might otherwise take months to achieve in weekly sessions.

You're not just meditating or journaling—you’re actively processing trauma, confronting core emotional wounds, learning proven coping tools, and receiving real-time support from both a therapist and a small, safe group of peers who are also doing the work. It's a focused reset for your nervous system and emotional life—not just a break from your schedule.

Where a retreat may offer temporary relief, a therapeutic intensive can create a breakthrough.

If you’re feeling stuck in therapy, overwhelmed by symptoms, or ready to finally move past long-held emotional pain, a group intensive provides the depth, structure, and professional guidance necessary to create meaningful change—quickly, and with support. It’s healing with purpose, not just rest with intention.

What is a Group Therapeutic Intensive?

A group therapeutic intensive usually refers to a structured, concentrated set of therapy-oriented sessions occurring over a relatively short time span (often one weekend or a few consecutive days). Key characteristics include:

• Focused therapy work: Several hours per day are dedicated to therapeutic content—processing trauma, learning coping skills, emotional regulation, bodywork (yoga, breathwork), mindfulness, etc. In our “Connections” workshop, for example, you get 12+ hours of intensive group therapy.

• Small cohort size: Participants are few in number, which fosters safety, sharing, vulnerability, and connection. Summit’s intensives typically cap participation (e.g. max 12 people) so that each person can engage meaningfully.

• Therapeutic leadership: Led by licensed mental health professionals (e.g. Dr. Courtney Stivers in Summit’s case), often with additional specialists (yoga, bodywork, etc.), so therapy is well-supported with trauma-informed methods.

• Goal-oriented: Designed to make substantial progress on specific issues (like trauma, emotional regulation, boundaries, night terrors, etc.) in a condensed timeframe. It can be more efficient than spreading the same work out slowly over many weekly therapy sessions. Summit states that these intensives are helpful when weekly therapy may be difficult to maintain.

• Therapeutic exercises and customization: Prior to the intensive, there may be questionnaires or assessments to tailor the experience to the group’s needs. For example, Summit sends out a history questionnaire ahead of their workshop.

What is a Retreat?

The term “retreat” is broader and often implies a holistic, restorative environment that may combine therapy but tends to place more emphasis on rest, retreating from daily life, renewal, and integration. Features often include:

• More downtime / healing space: Retreats often provide time away from regular responsibilities. This allows clients to rest, reflect, and digest. While Summit’s intensives include therapeutic work, they also include restful practices (yoga, guided self‑care, mindful body‑work).

• Integration with wellness practices: Retreats tend to include more holistic or wellness components—yoga, nature,/body‑mind connection, spiritual or mindfulness rituals, possibly art or movement therapy. The Summit workshop includes yoga, breath work, body‑awareness practices.

• Sense of separation from everyday life: Retreats frequently take place in settings that promote separation from work, home routines, and usual stressors. This helps people unplug, refocus, and re‑center. Summit encourages staying in a hotel even for local participants to help create that separation.

• Balance between depth and rest: While therapy might be part of retreat, it's not always as intensively scheduled as in an intensive. Retreats often mix heavier therapeutic or educational content with lighter, restorative or reflective periods.

• Community and connection: As with intensives, retreats often emphasize connection with others—support, sharing, feeling seen and understood—but may make more space for bonding, communal meals, rest, and sharing in less structured ways. Retreats may have much larger numbers than intensives.

Example: Summit’s Model

Summit Family Therapy’s “Connections” intensive illustrates a model that blends both: it’s called an intensive but happens like a mini‑retreat over a weekend. You get deep therapeutic work (group sessions, trauma‑informed content) plus wellness practices (yoga, body connection) and shared community space. The schedule includes multiple therapy sessions per day, along with meals and opportunities for rest and reflection.

It’s designed for women who want to accelerate healing—especially those who find weekly therapy challenging or insufficient alone. It also gives a chance to reset, disconnect from routine, reconnect with self and others, and return home with new tools and renewed resources.

Conclusion

In short, a group therapeutic intensive tends to lean more toward focused, concentrated therapeutic work in a relatively short timeframe, while a retreat leans more toward holistic renewal, rest, and healing in a more spacious, less‐urgent format. Many programs (like Summit’s) blend elements of both so participants get both depth and restoration. Knowing what you need—whether it’s deep and fast work, or space to unwind and integrate—can help you choose the format that supports your healing best.

Understanding EMDR: A Powerful Tool for Healing Trauma

Trauma can leave a lasting mark on both the mind and body. Memories of painful experiences may replay over and over, emotions can feel overwhelming, and daily life can become a struggle. Fortunately, there are effective, evidence-based therapies designed to help the brain process trauma safely—and EMDR is one of the most powerful tools available.

What is EMDR?

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It’s a type of therapy that helps the brain process and integrate traumatic memories that have become “stuck.” Unlike traditional talk therapy, EMDR works with the mind-body connection to reframe distressing memories so they no longer have the same emotional intensity.

How Does EMDR Work?

During an EMDR session, a therapist guides a client through recalling a troubling memory while engaging in bilateral stimulation—usually eye movements, taps, or sounds alternating between left and right. This process helps the brain process the memory in a way that reduces its emotional charge.

Over time, EMDR can:

• Reduce the intensity of painful memories

• Decrease anxiety, fear, or flashbacks

• Improve emotional regulation

• Increase feelings of safety and empowerment

Who Can Benefit from EMDR?

EMDR is widely recognized as an effective treatment for:

• PTSD and C-PTSD

• Anxiety and panic disorders

• Phobias

• Trauma from accidents, abuse, or loss

• Emotional challenges that feel “stuck”

While EMDR is especially helpful for trauma, it can also support personal growth, resilience, and overcoming negative beliefs about oneself.

What to Expect in a Session

A typical EMDR session begins with:

1. Assessment and preparation: You and your therapist identify memories or issues to target and develop strategies for staying safe and grounded.

2. Processing: Through guided bilateral stimulation, the therapist helps your brain reprocess the memory. Emotions may surface, but the therapist supports you throughout.

3. Integration: New insights and perspectives emerge, helping the memory lose its grip and allowing you to move forward with less distress.

EMDR is not about reliving trauma; it’s about reprocessing it safely so your brain can integrate the experience without being overwhelmed.

Why EMDR is Effective

Trauma often leaves memories “unprocessed” in the brain. EMDR helps the mind process these memories in a natural, adaptive way—similar to how the brain processes experiences during REM sleep. Many clients report feeling lighter, calmer, and more able to engage in life fully after a series of sessions.

Final Thoughts

If trauma or distressing memories are affecting your daily life, EMDR may offer a path toward relief and healing. It’s a collaborative, evidence-based approach that can empower you to reclaim your life from the grip of past experiences.

At Summit Family Therapy, I use EMDR as part of trauma-informed care, helping clients safely process memories, reduce emotional distress, and build resilience. If you’re ready to explore EMDR for yourself, schedule a session with myself (or one of our other EMDR trained therapists) and take the first step toward healing.

PTSD vs. C-PTSD: Understanding the Differences

When people talk about trauma, the term “PTSD” often comes up. But in recent years, another diagnosis has gained recognition: Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD). While both involve the lasting impact of trauma, they are not the same. Understanding the differences can help individuals find the right kind of support and healing.

What is PTSD?

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) typically develops after experiencing or witnessing a single traumatic event—or a few distinct traumatic events. These events often involve life-threatening situations, such as:

• Military combat

• Natural disasters

• Serious accidents

• Assault or violent crime

Symptoms of PTSD often include:

• Flashbacks or intrusive memories

• Nightmares

• Hypervigilance or being “on edge”

• Avoidance of reminders of the trauma

• Emotional numbing or detachment

PTSD is the mind and body’s way of staying on alert after something overwhelming and unsafe has happened.

What is C-PTSD?

Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) develops from ongoing or repeated trauma over time, especially in situations where a person feels trapped and powerless. This might include:

• Chronic childhood abuse or neglect

• Domestic violence

• Long-term captivity, trafficking, or oppression

• Repeated emotional, physical, or sexual abuse

In addition to the core PTSD symptoms, people with C-PTSD often experience:

• Deep shame or guilt

• Difficulty trusting others

• A negative self-image (“I’m worthless,” “I’m broken”)

• Emotional regulation struggles (intense anger, sadness, or numbness)

• Persistent feelings of helplessness or hopelessness

• Challenges with relationships and attachment

While PTSD may feel like the nervous system is “stuck in the past,” C-PTSD often feels like trauma has woven itself into a person’s sense of identity and daily life.

Why the Distinction Matters

Recognizing the difference between PTSD and C-PTSD is important for healing. Traditional PTSD treatments may not fully address the relational wounds, shame, and chronic stress patterns seen in C-PTSD. Complex trauma often requires a slower, gentler, and relationship-focused approach to restore safety and self-worth.

Pathways to Healing

The good news is that both PTSD and C-PTSD are treatable. Therapy can help you reconnect with your body, process memories safely, and begin to rewrite the story trauma has left behind. Helpful approaches may include:

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)

• Somatic and body-based therapies

• Trauma-informed cognitive or narrative therapy

• Supportive group therapy or community connection

Final Thoughts

Whether you identify with PTSD or C-PTSD, you are not alone—and what happened to you does not define your worth. Healing may look different for each person, but with the right support, it is possible to find peace, strength, and connection again.

At Summit Family Therapy, I specialize in working with trauma survivors, helping them gently rebuild safety, self-trust, and resilience. If you’re ready to take the next step in your healing journey, I invite you to schedule a session with me, Dr. Courtney Stivers.

Dating in 2025: What to Look For in a Partner

Dating in 2025 looks a lot different than it did even five years ago. With shifting social dynamics, evolving cultural norms, and the ever-present influence of technology, finding a meaningful relationship can feel both exciting and overwhelming. Whether you’re swiping on apps, reconnecting in person, or simply exploring what you want in a partner, the most important question remains the same: Who should I date?

As a therapist, I see firsthand how powerful our relationship choices are for our mental and emotional health.

The good news is that “who to date” is less about finding the perfect person and more about finding someone who helps you feel safe, supported, and true to yourself.

Qualities to Look For in 2025

1. Emotional Availability

In 2025, we’re moving past surface-level attraction alone. Someone who can communicate feelings openly, handle conflict with care, and show up consistently is far more valuable than someone who checks every box on paper. Emotional availability builds trust and long-term stability.

2. Shared Values

Relationships thrive when partners align on what matters most—whether that’s family, career, faith, lifestyle, or social issues. Perfect agreement isn’t necessary, but mutual respect for each other’s values creates a strong foundation.

3. Respect for Boundaries

A healthy partner listens when you say “no,” honors your needs, and doesn’t pressure you into situations that feel uncomfortable. In a world where boundaries are often blurred by constant digital connection, respecting personal space and time is more important than ever.

4. Growth Mindset

No one is perfect, and relationships are journeys of growth. Look for someone who is willing to learn, adapt, and grow alongside you rather than resist change or place blame. Couples who embrace growth together often develop deeper connection and resilience.

5. Joy and Compatibility

Amid all the serious talk, let’s not forget: dating should bring joy! Laughter, shared hobbies, and simply enjoying each other’s company are the glue that keeps relationships fun and fulfilling.

Who Not to Date in 2025

Just as important as knowing who to date is recognizing red flags:

• Those who dismiss your feelings or invalidate your experiences.

• Partners who create cycles of drama or instability.

• Individuals unwilling to respect your boundaries, time, or goals.

• People who are inconsistent—showing up one day and disappearing the next.

The Bottom Line

In 2025, the best person to date is someone who helps you feel more like yourself, not less. Look for partners who value connection, growth, and respect. Healthy love doesn’t erase your individuality—it enhances it.

At Summit Family Therapy, we believe relationships are one of the most powerful forces in shaping mental health and overall well-being. If you’re navigating dating, partnership, or relationship challenges, therapy can be a safe space to reflect, gain clarity, and build stronger patterns for love and connection.

Ready to explore what healthy love looks like for you? Schedule a session with Dr. Courtney Stivers at Summit Family Therapy and take the next step toward building relationships that truly last.

The Benefits of Connecting Mind and Body for Mental Health

When we think about mental health, we often imagine thoughts, feelings, or brain chemistry. But the truth is, our mental well-being is deeply connected to our physical selves. The body and mind are not separate systems—they are constantly in conversation. When we learn to connect the two, healing becomes more whole, more sustainable, and more empowering.

Why the Mind-Body Connection Matters

Stress, anxiety, depression, and trauma don’t live only in our heads. They show up in our bodies, too—tight shoulders, upset stomachs, racing heartbeats, fatigue. This is because our nervous system, hormones, and immune system all respond to emotional experiences. Ignoring the body when we’re caring for our mental health is like trying to listen to half of a conversation.

By noticing and supporting the mind-body connection, we can create more balance and resilience.

Key Benefits of Mind-Body Connection

1. Better Stress Regulation

Breathing techniques, gentle movement, and mindfulness practices calm the nervous system, helping the body shift out of “fight or flight.” When the body relaxes, the mind follows.

2. Improved Emotional Awareness

Tuning into the body helps us notice early signs of stress or emotional overwhelm. A racing heart, shallow breath, or muscle tension can become cues to pause, reset, and take care of ourselves before emotions feel unmanageable.

3. Healing from Trauma

Trauma often lingers in the body long after the mind has tried to move on. Practices like yoga, EMDR, grounding exercises, or somatic therapy help release stored tension and create a sense of safety in the body again.

4. Increased Resilience and Energy

When we nurture both body and mind—through movement, sleep, nutrition, and mindful awareness—we support the whole system. This makes it easier to recover from stress, adapt to challenges, and feel more energy for daily life.

5. Greater Self-Compassion

Learning to listen to the body with curiosity (instead of judgment) teaches us to treat ourselves with kindness. That gentleness toward our bodies often translates into more compassion for our thoughts, emotions, and overall self.

Ways to Strengthen the Mind-Body Connection

• Practice mindful breathing or meditation.

• Try gentle movement like yoga, stretching, or walking.

• Use grounding techniques (noticing what you see, hear, feel in the present moment).

• Keep a journal of body cues and what emotions they may signal.

• Work with a therapist trained in somatic or trauma-informed approaches.

Final Thoughts

Connecting the mind and body is not about perfection—it’s about awareness. By paying attention to the signals our bodies send and responding with care, we can support our mental health in powerful, lasting ways. Healing happens not just in our thoughts, but in every breath, heartbeat, and step forward.

If you’re ready to begin exploring the mind-body connection in your own life, I’d love to walk alongside you. As a trauma-informed therapist, I help individuals find healing, balance, and resilience through both emotional and somatic approaches. Give my practice a call at 309-889-4290.

Back-to-School Stress: How to Support Yourself and Your Family

Back-to-school season is often a mix of excitement and anxiety—for both students and parents. While a new year brings opportunities for learning, growth, and connection, it can also trigger stress, overwhelm, and worry. Understanding what drives this stress and how to manage it can make the transition smoother for everyone.

Why Back-to-School Can Be Stressful

Several factors contribute to heightened stress during this time:

• Change in routine: Shifting from relaxed summer schedules to early mornings, homework, and extracurricular activities can disrupt both sleep and daily rhythms.

• Academic pressure: Expectations around grades, performance, and achievement can weigh heavily on students.

• Social dynamics: Meeting new classmates, navigating friendships, or dealing with bullying can create anxiety.

• Parental stress: Parents often feel pressure to manage logistics, support children’s needs, and meet expectations themselves.

Even adults who aren’t in school may feel a sense of “seasonal stress” as routines shift and responsibilities pile up.

Signs of Back-to-School Stress

Stress can show up in many ways, both emotional and physical:

• Irritability or mood swings

• Difficulty sleeping or oversleeping

• Trouble concentrating or completing tasks

• Headaches, stomachaches, or other physical complaints

• Avoidance of school or related activities

Recognizing these signs early can help prevent stress from escalating into anxiety or burnout.

Strategies to Reduce Back-to-School Stress

1. Establish a Routine

Start preparing a few weeks in advance with consistent wake-up, meal, and bedtime schedules. A predictable routine helps children—and adults—feel more grounded.

2. Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation

Simple breathing exercises, meditation, or grounding techniques can help manage racing thoughts and calm the nervous system. Even five minutes a day can make a difference.

3. Prioritize Sleep and Nutrition

Sleep is critical for emotional regulation and cognitive function. Balanced meals and regular hydration also support resilience during stressful times.

4. Communicate Openly

Encourage children (and yourself) to share feelings and worries. Validating emotions rather than minimizing them helps reduce stress and fosters connection.

5. Set Realistic Expectations

No one is perfect—academic or otherwise. Celebrate effort, curiosity, and growth rather than only focusing on grades or achievements.

6. Seek Support if Needed

If stress feels overwhelming, persistent, or is interfering with daily life, consider talking with a therapist. Therapy provides tools to manage anxiety, strengthen coping skills, and build confidence during transitions.

Final Thoughts

Back-to-school stress is a normal response to change, but it doesn’t have to take over the season. With awareness, preparation, and self-care, families and students can navigate the transition with more calm, connection, and confidence.

At Summit Family Therapy, I work with children, teens, and parents to manage stress, build resilience, and support healthy emotional development. If you or your child are feeling overwhelmed this school year, schedule a session with one of our therapists and take the first step toward a calmer, more confident start.

Yoga and Mental Health: How Mindful Movement Supports Emotional Well-Being

In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy for stress, anxiety, and emotional overwhelm to take hold. Many people are seeking ways to support their mental health beyond talk therapy, medication, or traditional self-care. One powerful approach that has gained recognition in both clinical and wellness communities is yoga.

Yoga is more than stretching or physical exercise—it is a practice that integrates the mind, body, and breath, helping individuals cultivate awareness, balance, and resilience. Research has shown that yoga can positively impact mental health by reducing stress, improving mood, and supporting emotional regulation.

How Yoga Supports Mental Health

1. Reduces Stress and Anxiety

Yoga encourages mindful breathing and relaxation, activating the parasympathetic nervous system—the body’s natural “rest and digest” response. This helps lower cortisol levels, calm the mind, and reduce the physical symptoms of stress and anxiety.

2. Improves Emotional Regulation

Through consistent practice, yoga helps individuals notice and respond to their emotions with awareness rather than react impulsively. This can be particularly beneficial for managing anger, frustration, or anxiety.

3. Enhances Mind-Body Connection

Trauma and chronic stress can disconnect us from our bodies, leaving us feeling tense, numb, or unsafe. Yoga emphasizes grounding, body awareness, and gentle movement, helping reconnect the mind and body in a safe, supportive way.

4. Boosts Mood and Resilience

Physical movement, breathwork, and mindfulness practices in yoga stimulate the release of endorphins and serotonin, improving overall mood. Regular practice also builds resilience, helping people cope with challenges more effectively.

5. Supports Trauma Healing

Certain forms of yoga, especially trauma-informed yoga, provide a safe environment for people to explore sensations, release tension, and regain a sense of control in their bodies. When combined with therapy, yoga can complement emotional healing in profound ways.

6. All Bodies Are Welcome

Yoga is for everyone—regardless of age, size, ability, or experience. Our approach emphasizes adaptation and accessibility, ensuring that each person can participate safely and comfortably. The practice is about connecting with your body, not achieving a specific pose or appearance. All bodies deserve to move, breathe, and experience the healing benefits of yoga.

Tips for Incorporating Yoga into Mental Health Care

• Start small: Even 10–15 minutes a day can make a difference.

• Focus on breath: Mindful breathing is often more impactful than the poses themselves.

• Seek trauma-informed classes: Look for instructors trained to support people with trauma histories.

• Combine with therapy: Yoga can complement counseling by enhancing self-awareness, stress reduction, and emotional regulation.

• Be gentle and patient: Yoga is a journey, not a performance. Progress is measured in awareness, not flexibility.

Final Thoughts

Yoga is not a cure-all, but it is a powerful tool to support mental health. By integrating movement, mindfulness, and breath, individuals can cultivate a stronger mind-body connection, reduce stress, and foster resilience.

At Summit Family Therapy, I encourage clients to explore approaches like yoga alongside therapy to support holistic well-being. If you are ready to combine mind-body practices with evidence-based therapy for mental health, I invite you to schedule a session with me, Dr. Courtney Stivers, and begin your journey toward balance, healing, and emotional wellness.

For women seeking a supportive, healing environment, consider joining an upcoming Women’s Trauma Recovery Workshop. It’s a safe space to connect, process trauma, and explore tools—like yoga and mindfulness—that can empower your mental and emotional well-being.

ADHD and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria: You’re Not “Too Sensitive”

At Summit Family Therapy, we know that living with ADHD isn’t just about managing focus or organization—it’s about navigating the emotional ups and downs that come with it. One of the most tender and often misunderstood struggles is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). If this resonates with you, know that you’re not alone, and there is a path toward understanding and healing.

If you live with ADHD, chances are you’ve been told at some point that you’re “too sensitive,” “overreacting,” or “taking things too personally.” What people don’t always realize is that for many with ADHD, rejection doesn’t just sting—it can feel crushing. This experience has a name: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD).

What RSD Feels Like

RSD can make a small comment feel like a deep wound. A piece of feedback that’s meant to be constructive might leave you questioning your worth. An unanswered text can feel like abandonment. Even imagining that someone might be disappointed in you can spark shame, sadness, or anger.

It’s not drama. It’s not weakness. It’s a real and painful part of how the ADHD brain processes relationships and emotions.

Why It Hurts So Much

Growing up with ADHD often means hearing messages like, “Try harder,” “Why can’t you focus?” or “You’re not living up to your potential.” Over time, those words stick. They create tender spots that make any hint of rejection feel amplified.

And because ADHD brains crave connection, belonging, and encouragement, rejection can feel like losing something essential—like oxygen.

The Hidden Cost

Living with RSD often means walking through the world with invisible armor. You might avoid sharing your ideas at work, not because you don’t have something valuable to say, but because you’re terrified of being shut down. You might bend over backwards to please people so you don’t risk disapproval. Or you might pull away from relationships altogether, telling yourself it’s safer not to get too close.

But that armor, while protective, can also be heavy. It keeps you from showing up fully as yourself.

You Are Not Alone

Here’s the truth: so many people with ADHD know this exact pain. You are not broken. You are not “too much.” You are a human being with a tender heart, one that feels rejection deeply because connection matters to you.

Finding Your Way Forward

RSD may always be part of your experience, but it doesn’t have to define your life. A few things that can help:

• Self-awareness. Remind yourself: “This is RSD talking. It feels real, but it’s not the whole story.”

• Compassion. Speak to yourself the way you would to a friend: with patience, warmth, and kindness.

• Support. Surround yourself with people who see your sensitivity as strength, not flaw. Therapy can also help you learn tools to manage the intensity when it hits.

• Permission to feel. Emotions aren’t wrong. They are signals of how much you care. Letting them flow—without shame—can be healing.

A Final Thought

RSD can make life feel overwhelming at times, but it’s also a reflection of your incredible capacity for love, empathy, and connection. The same sensitivity that makes rejection hurt so much is the same sensitivity that allows you to show up deeply for others.

You don’t need to harden your heart to survive. You just need to learn how to hold it gently.

If you see yourself in these words and are ready for support, our team at Summit Family Therapy is here to walk with you. Together, we can explore tools for managing RSD, strengthening self-compassion, and building the kind of connection you deserve.

Can You Fix Your Family?

The short answer is no. You cannot fix your family.

I have noticed a significant reoccurring pattern in several of my client’s stories these past few weeks and thought it might be helpful to share my thoughts on this with others. 

There are some amazing families out there who are loving, securely attached, have healthy boundaries, and fulfill individual emotional needs in balanced ways.  They handle big feelings and give grace for the human imperfections that are in even the best of us.  They address conflicts and repair hurts in relationships.  Yet, many of the adult clients who end up in my office do not come from such a family.  Often, a big part of their recovery is identifying patterns they learned from their family of origin, such as attachment styles, communication, and handling conflict.

I love this quote from Brené Brown, Rising Strong, about an exercise that she does with people:

“Folks write down the name of someone who fills them with frustration, disappointment, and/or resentment, and then I propose that their person is doing the best he or she can. The responses have been wide-ranging...One woman said, 'If this was true and my mother was doing the best she can, I would be grief-stricken. I'd rather be angry than sad, so it's easier to believe she's letting me down on purpose than grieve the fact that my mother is never going to be who I need her to be.'"

The bad news is that you cannot heal the dysfunction in the family you grew up in.  If that was hard to read, read it again.  It is not your role to save your parents/caregivers now, nor should it ever have been your job growing up.  Let that responsibility go. It is keeping you stuck, sick, and sad.  Maybe they will change and maybe they won’t. It is not up to you and it never was.

There is a very real grief process that comes along with the acceptance of that reality.  All of us have expectations and dreams about what we hope life looks like, and this includes our family relationships. To lead healthy and wholehearted lives, we must make peace with the very real limits of others. 

The good news is that you can change your own life. 

• You can grow. 

• You can parent differently and stop those generational patterns. 

• You can accept yourself as worthy of love and belonging.

• You can freely give empathy because of the struggles you endured. 

• You are not doomed to repeat the past. 

• You can learn new ways to communicate. 

• You can set boundaries. 

• You can take the good parts of your family and limit the parts that are harmful. 

• You can make a new family. 

You can cultivate authentic relationships based on love, emotional/physical safety, deep connection, grace, compassion, courage, joy, and showing up for each other.  Not sure where to start? Give our office a call at 309-713-1485.