Debunking Common Myths in Couples Therapy

Couples therapy is a transformative space where partners can reconnect, heal, and grow. Yet, many couples hesitate to seek help due to persistent myths and misperceptions. As a licensed marriage and family therapist, I’ve seen how these beliefs can delay or derail the healing process.

Let’s explore and debunk some of the most common myths I encounter in my work with couples.

Myth #1: “Couples therapy is only for relationships in crisis.”

Many believe therapy is a last-ditch effort when a relationship is on the brink of collapse. In truth, couples therapy is most effective when used proactively. It can help partners navigate transitions, improve communication, and deepen emotional intimacy before issues become entrenched.

Research supports this: early intervention in relational conflict leads to better outcomes and prevents long-term distress (Lebow, Chambers, Christensen, & Johnson, 2012). Therapy isn’t just for crisis—it’s for connection.

Myth #2: “Therapists should always remain neutral.”

This is a nuanced topic. While traditional models of therapy emphasize neutrality, some modern approaches challenge this idea—most notably, the work of Terry Real, founder of Relational Life Therapy (RLT).

Real argues that strict neutrality can be counterproductive, especially when one partner is engaging in destructive or abusive behavior. In his words, “Therapists who remain neutral in the face of dysfunction are colluding with the dysfunction.” Instead, he advocates for “loving confrontation”—a compassionate but direct approach that holds individuals accountable while supporting the relationship as a whole (Real, 2002).

In my practice, I strive to balance empathy with honesty. Sometimes, that means gently challenging behaviors that harm the relationship, while always maintaining a safe and respectful environment for both partners.

Myth #3: “Therapy means we’ve failed.”

Seeking therapy is not a sign of failure—it’s a sign of commitment. It takes courage to acknowledge challenges and a willingness to grow. Couples who engage in therapy often report increased satisfaction, improved communication, and a renewed sense of partnership (Baucom et al., 1998).

Therapy is not about fixing a “broken” relationship; it’s about building a stronger, more resilient one.

Myth #4: “Therapy is just talking about problems.”

While open dialogue is essential, couples therapy is far more than venting. It’s a structured, evidence-based process that helps partners identify patterns, understand emotional needs, and develop practical tools for change.

Approaches like the Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) provide frameworks for building trust, managing conflict, and fostering emotional connection (Gottman & Silver, 1999; Johnson, 2004).

Myth #5: “Therapy doesn’t work.”

Skepticism is understandable, especially if past experiences were unhelpful. However, numerous studies support the efficacy of couples therapy. A meta-analysis by Shadish and Baldwin (2003) found that couples therapy significantly improves relationship satisfaction and reduces distress.

Success depends on timing, therapist fit, and the couple’s willingness to engage. When both partners are committed, therapy can be deeply transformative.

Final Thoughts

Couples therapy is not a last resort—it’s a courageous step toward deeper connection and understanding. By challenging these myths, we can reduce stigma and open the door for more couples to access the support they deserve.

If you and your partner are considering therapy, know that you don’t have to wait for a crisis. Whether you’re navigating a rough patch or simply want to strengthen your bond, therapy can be a meaningful investment in your relationship’s future.

References

• Baucom, D. H., Shoham, V., Mueser, K. T., Daiuto, A. D., & Stickle, T. R. (1998). Empirically supported couple and family interventions for marital distress and adult mental health problems. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 66(1), 53–88.

• Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Crown Publishing Group.

• Johnson, S. M. (2004). The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy: Creating Connection. Brunner-Routledge.

• Lebow, J., Chambers, A., Christensen, A., & Johnson, S. (2012). Research on the treatment of couple distress. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 38(1), 145–168.

• Real, T. (2002). How Can I Get Through to You? Reconnecting Men and Women. Scribner.

• Shadish, W. R., & Baldwin, S. A. (2003). Meta-analysis of MFT interventions. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 29(4), 547–570.