“I’m in Holland”: Embracing the Unexpected in Therapy and in Life

In Lori Gottlieb’s bestselling memoir Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, she shares a poignant metaphor that has stayed with me—and with many of my clients—long after the final page. It’s called “Welcome to Holland.” Originally penned by Emily Perl Kingsley, this short essay describes the experience of raising a child with a disability, but its message resonates far beyond parenting. It’s about grief, acceptance, and the beauty of the unexpected.

As a therapist, I often return to this metaphor in my work with couples, individuals, and families navigating life’s detours. Because the truth is, we all have our “Holland” moments—times when life doesn’t go according to plan.

The Metaphor: A Change in Destination

Imagine you’ve planned a trip to Italy. You’ve studied the language, dreamed of the food, and envisioned the art and architecture. But when the plane lands, the flight attendant announces, “Welcome to Holland.”

At first, you’re confused. Disappointed. This isn’t what you signed up for. But as time passes, you begin to notice that Holland has its own charm—tulips, windmills, Rembrandt. It’s not Italy, but it’s beautiful in its own right.

This metaphor captures the emotional journey of adjusting to a reality that diverges from our expectations. Whether it’s a diagnosis, a breakup, infertility, a career change, or a loss—we all board planes to Italy and sometimes land in Holland.

How This Shows Up in Therapy

In my practice, I see “Holland” moments all the time:

• A couple enters therapy hoping to “fix” their partner, only to discover that healing requires mutual vulnerability and change.

• A parent grieves the loss of the imagined future for their child, learning to embrace who their child truly is.

• An individual mourns the life they thought they’d have by now—marriage, children, a certain career path—and must redefine what fulfillment looks like.

These are not failures. They are invitations to reimagine our lives with compassion and curiosity.

The Grief of Letting Go

What makes “Holland” so hard is that it requires us to grieve the loss of what we thought would be. And grief is not linear. It’s messy, unpredictable, and deeply personal.

In therapy, we create space for that grief. We name it. We honor it. And then, slowly, we begin to explore what Holland has to offer. We ask: What beauty exists here that I couldn’t have seen before? What strengths have I discovered in myself? What new dreams can I build from this place?

Finding Meaning in the Unexpected

One of the most powerful aspects of Gottlieb’s book is her reminder that therapy isn’t about “fixing” people—it’s about helping them find meaning in their experiences. The “I’m in Holland” moment is not about settling; it’s about reframing. It’s about recognizing that while life may not look like the brochure, it can still be rich, meaningful, and even joyful.

Final Thoughts

At Summit Family Therapy, we walk alongside people in their Holland moments. We help them grieve what was lost, discover what is, and imagine what could be. Because healing doesn’t always mean returning to the original plan—it often means learning to love the life you didn’t expect.

If you’re feeling like you’ve landed somewhere unfamiliar, know this: you’re not alone. And Holland, with all its unexpected beauty, might just be the place where you find yourself.

Debunking Common Myths in Couples Therapy

Couples therapy is a transformative space where partners can reconnect, heal, and grow. Yet, many couples hesitate to seek help due to persistent myths and misperceptions. As a licensed marriage and family therapist, I’ve seen how these beliefs can delay or derail the healing process.

Let’s explore and debunk some of the most common myths I encounter in my work with couples.

Myth #1: “Couples therapy is only for relationships in crisis.”

Many believe therapy is a last-ditch effort when a relationship is on the brink of collapse. In truth, couples therapy is most effective when used proactively. It can help partners navigate transitions, improve communication, and deepen emotional intimacy before issues become entrenched.

Research supports this: early intervention in relational conflict leads to better outcomes and prevents long-term distress (Lebow, Chambers, Christensen, & Johnson, 2012). Therapy isn’t just for crisis—it’s for connection.

Myth #2: “Therapists should always remain neutral.”

This is a nuanced topic. While traditional models of therapy emphasize neutrality, some modern approaches challenge this idea—most notably, the work of Terry Real, founder of Relational Life Therapy (RLT).

Real argues that strict neutrality can be counterproductive, especially when one partner is engaging in destructive or abusive behavior. In his words, “Therapists who remain neutral in the face of dysfunction are colluding with the dysfunction.” Instead, he advocates for “loving confrontation”—a compassionate but direct approach that holds individuals accountable while supporting the relationship as a whole (Real, 2002).

In my practice, I strive to balance empathy with honesty. Sometimes, that means gently challenging behaviors that harm the relationship, while always maintaining a safe and respectful environment for both partners.

Myth #3: “Therapy means we’ve failed.”

Seeking therapy is not a sign of failure—it’s a sign of commitment. It takes courage to acknowledge challenges and a willingness to grow. Couples who engage in therapy often report increased satisfaction, improved communication, and a renewed sense of partnership (Baucom et al., 1998).

Therapy is not about fixing a “broken” relationship; it’s about building a stronger, more resilient one.

Myth #4: “Therapy is just talking about problems.”

While open dialogue is essential, couples therapy is far more than venting. It’s a structured, evidence-based process that helps partners identify patterns, understand emotional needs, and develop practical tools for change.

Approaches like the Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) provide frameworks for building trust, managing conflict, and fostering emotional connection (Gottman & Silver, 1999; Johnson, 2004).

Myth #5: “Therapy doesn’t work.”

Skepticism is understandable, especially if past experiences were unhelpful. However, numerous studies support the efficacy of couples therapy. A meta-analysis by Shadish and Baldwin (2003) found that couples therapy significantly improves relationship satisfaction and reduces distress.

Success depends on timing, therapist fit, and the couple’s willingness to engage. When both partners are committed, therapy can be deeply transformative.

Final Thoughts

Couples therapy is not a last resort—it’s a courageous step toward deeper connection and understanding. By challenging these myths, we can reduce stigma and open the door for more couples to access the support they deserve.

If you and your partner are considering therapy, know that you don’t have to wait for a crisis. Whether you’re navigating a rough patch or simply want to strengthen your bond, therapy can be a meaningful investment in your relationship’s future.

References

• Baucom, D. H., Shoham, V., Mueser, K. T., Daiuto, A. D., & Stickle, T. R. (1998). Empirically supported couple and family interventions for marital distress and adult mental health problems. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 66(1), 53–88.

• Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Crown Publishing Group.

• Johnson, S. M. (2004). The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy: Creating Connection. Brunner-Routledge.

• Lebow, J., Chambers, A., Christensen, A., & Johnson, S. (2012). Research on the treatment of couple distress. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 38(1), 145–168.

• Real, T. (2002). How Can I Get Through to You? Reconnecting Men and Women. Scribner.

• Shadish, W. R., & Baldwin, S. A. (2003). Meta-analysis of MFT interventions. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 29(4), 547–570.

What is Play Therapy?

As parents, we want the very best for our children. When they’re struggling, whether with big feelings, changes at home, or difficult experiences, it can be hard to know how to help. Many parents come to me saying, “They won’t talk about it. I’ve tried asking, but I just can’t get through.” That’s where play therapy is a great option.

Why Play Instead of Talking?

Adults often process emotions by talking. Children, however, typically don’t have the words or life experience to explain what’s going on inside. Instead, they may “speak” through play. When a child picks up a toy, draws a picture, or acts out a story, they’re often telling us what they’re feeling, even if they can’t put it into words. Play therapy is a specialized form of counseling that uses this natural language of children to help them express themselves, work through challenges, and build skills for coping and resilience.

What You Can Expect as a Parent

It’s normal to wonder, What exactly happens in play therapy? or How will this help my child? Here are some key things to know:

• Sessions look like play, but they have purpose. Your child will use toys, games, art, and stories to explore feelings. The therapist is trained to guide this process so the play becomes healing and meaningful.

• Progress takes time. Just like with adults, therapy is a process, not a quick fix. You may notice small shifts such as better mood, fewer meltdowns, more confidence, though these may be observed over weeks and months during treatment.

• Parent Involvement. Parents play a vital role. Depending on the therapist’s approach, you might meet regularly with the therapist to discuss your child’s progress, learn strategies for home, or even join in parts of sessions.

• Confidentiality matters. Children need to feel safe in therapy. That means your therapist may not share every detail of what happens in the playroom, but they will update you on themes, progress, and ways you can support your child outside of sessions.

• It’s about building tools for life. The goal isn’t to make problems “disappear,” but to help your child develop healthier ways to understand and manage their emotions, relationships, and experiences.

How Parents Can Support the Process

• Be patient—healing happens in small steps.

• Stay consistent with therapy appointments.

• Show interest without pressuring your child to “report back” after sessions.

• Practice new coping skills at home when your therapist suggests them.

Recommended Reading for Parents

If you’d like to learn more about play therapy and supporting your child’s emotional growth, here are some excellent resources:

• “Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship” by Garry L. Landreth – A classic guide for understanding the philosophy behind play therapy.

• “Parenting with Play Therapy: A Practical Guide to Nurturing Emotional Well-Being” by Nancy Boyd Webb – Accessible, parent-friendly insights.

• “Child-Centered Play Therapy: A Practical Guide to Developing Therapeutic Relationships with Children” by Rise VanFleet – Helpful for parents curious about the techniques therapists use.

Short Videos about Play Therapy

If you’re a visual learner, like me, here are some short videos on YouTube that do a great job of outlining play therapy and its benefits:

• Introduction to Play Therapy — therapist Joey Harmon gives an overview of child-centered play therapy

• Play Therapy Works! — a succinct video by the Association for Play Therapy introducing what play therapy is and why credentialed therapists matter 

• Play is the Child’s Language: Play Therapy — Joanne Wicks describes how play is children’s emotional expression in a brief talk 

• Introducing Andrew — a short clip emphasizing that “play is a child’s first language” and how children express inner worlds through play 

Final Thoughts

Remember: seeking play therapy doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a parent. It means you’re giving your child another pathway to healing and growth, and that’s a powerful gift.

Disclaimer: The content shared on this blog reflects my personal and professional reflections. It is intended for general informational and educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for therapy, counseling, or professional mental health treatment. If you are experiencing distress or seeking support, I encourage you to reach out to a qualified mental health professional in your area.

The Good Enough Parent: Why Perfection Isn’t My Goal

If you’ve ever stayed awake at night replaying the moment you lost your patience with your child or worried that not doing enough will somehow “ruin” them, please know that you’re not alone. As a therapist and a parent myself, I feel this pressure often. We live in a culture that bombards us with images of the “perfect” parent. I see influencers who are endlessly patient, creative, calm, and available and can't help but compare myself to their “perfection.” But here’s the truth: your child doesn’t need a perfect parent. They just need a good enough one.

This phrase “the good enough parent” was introduced by British pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott back in the mid-20th century. He noticed that children don’t thrive because their parents never make mistakes. They thrive because, in the everyday rhythm of caregiving, parents provide enough love, enough safety, and enough presence for a child to grow in their own unique way.

Over the last few decades, science has continued to support Winnicott’s ideas. In the 1970s, researcher Mary Ainsworth created the now-famous “Strange Situation” study, which showed that children form secure attachments not because their parents are perfect, but because their parents are sensitive and responsive much of the time. Later, Ed Tronick’s “Still Face” experiment revealed that even when parents miss a baby’s signals, what really matters is coming back into connection. Through study and experience, we’ve learned that repair, not perfection, helps children thrive as they learn and grow. 

Other researchers have pointed out that striving for perfection can actually make things harder. Parenting expert Jay Belsky, for example, showed that stress and pressure often get in the way of healthy parent–child connections. Modern writers like Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson (authors of The Power of Showing Up) reassure us that showing up consistently, even imperfectly, positively impacts a child’s brain development and sense of security.

I think about this in my own parenting often. There have been plenty of times when I’ve lost my patience over homework battles, the mad scramble to get out the door in the morning, or bedtime protests. In the heat of the moment, I often mess up or do things “imperfectly.”  But what I’ve learned is that the repair matters more than the slip. I'm learning to circle back, whether it’s with a hug, an apology, or just taking a calmer moment together. My kids certainly won’t remember me as perfect, but they’ll remember that I cared enough to come back.

We are all learning as we go, similar to how humans learn to walk: We stumble, we fall, we get back up and move forward. In the same way, our children are learning about relationships through us. Our missteps and stumbles are not proof of failure, they’re part of the process. Winnicott believed that these imperfect, “good enough” moments are what help kids build resilience and strength. And I believe it too, because I’ve seen it, not just in the research or in the families I work with, but because I’m living it every day.

If you’ve been carrying the heavy burden of guilt that you’re not doing enough or “ruining” your kids, I encourage you to pause, breathe, and remind yourself: Your child doesn’t need a flawless parent. They need you: human, imperfect, loving, and learning right alongside them. Good enough is more than enough.

Resources: 

If this idea resonates with you, here are a few resources you might enjoy:

1. Donald Winnicott’s The Child, the Family, and the Outside World – where he first introduced the “good enough parent.”

2. The Power of Showing Up by Daniel Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson – a modern, practical guide rooted in attachment science.

3. Ed Tronick’s Still Face Experiment (a short video online) – a striking demonstration of how repair matters more than perfection.

4. Hold On to Your Kids by Gabor Maté – a validating read about the importance of connection.

5. Kristin Neff’s book Self-Compassion (or her TED talk) – a helpful antidote to perfectionism.

Source: https://thesupportspace.wordpress.com/category/parenthood/

Why You Shouldn’t Speak Negatively to Your Child About Your Ex-Spouse

Divorce or separation is one of the most difficult transitions a family can experience. Emotions run high, pain is real, and sometimes resentment lingers far beyond the separation itself. In these moments, it may feel natural to vent frustrations about your ex-spouse. But when those negative comments are spoken in front of—or directly to—your children, the consequences can be long-lasting and harmful.

As parents, we want to protect our children. One of the most powerful ways we can do that is by shielding them from harmful narratives about the other parent.

The Impact of Negative Talk on Children

Research consistently shows that children caught between parental conflict often experience increased anxiety, depression, and feelings of divided loyalty. When a child hears one parent criticize the other, they may feel they must choose sides—or worse, feel guilty for continuing to love the “talked about” parent (Amato, 2014).

In fact, studies on high-conflict divorces demonstrate that children exposed to negative talk about one parent are at higher risk for:

• Emotional distress

• Lower self-esteem

• Behavioral issues

• Strained parent-child relationships (Johnston et al., 2016)

When we speak negatively about our ex, children may internalize the conflict as part of their own identity: “If Mom says bad things about Dad, and I’m half Dad, does that mean part of me is bad too?”

A Real-Life Scenario

Consider this example:

Eight-year-old Jacob spends weekends with his father. One Sunday evening, when his dad drops him off, his mom asks if Jacob had fun. Jacob excitedly talks about the movie they saw. His mom sighs and says, “Well, I’m glad you had fun, but your father really should be more responsible with money. He never thinks about the future.”

Jacob doesn’t respond, but later that night he feels sad and conflicted. He wonders if it’s wrong to enjoy time with his dad. He feels guilty for loving both parents. Over time, these comments pile up, leaving Jacob confused, anxious, and unsure of how to navigate his relationships.

What to Say Instead

It’s normal to feel upset with your ex, but your child doesn’t need to carry those feelings. Instead of speaking negatively, shift to supportive or neutral phrases. This helps your child feel secure while still acknowledging their reality.

• Instead of: “Your mom is always late—she doesn’t care about your time.”
  Try: “Sometimes schedules can get tricky, but I’m glad you’re here now.”

• Instead of: “Your dad never follows through.”
  Try: “I know it can feel frustrating when plans change. How are you feeling about it?”

• Instead of: “She’s selfish and doesn’t think about anyone but herself.”
  Try: “We see things differently, but I know she loves you.”

• Instead of: “Your father ruined everything.”
  Try: “The marriage didn’t work out, but we both love you very much.”

These shifts communicate stability and love, helping your child feel safe in both relationships.

Why This Matters

Children do best when they have strong, positive relationships with both parents—even when those parents are no longer together (Kelly & Emery, 2003). By avoiding negative talk, you not only protect your child’s emotional well-being but also model maturity, respect, and resilience.

Remember: your child’s relationship with your ex is separate from your own. Supporting that relationship does not minimize your pain—it magnifies your child’s chance to thrive.

Final Thoughts

Parenting after divorce isn’t easy, but your words hold incredible power. Choosing to speak with kindness, neutrality, or silence about your ex is a profound gift to your child. You are showing them that love can exist beyond conflict, and that they never have to choose between their parents.

If you find yourself struggling with this, therapy can provide a safe space to process your feelings and learn new tools for communication. At Summit Family Therapy, we walk alongside families in transition, helping both parents and children find pathways toward healing and connection.

References

• Amato, P. R. (2014). The consequences of divorce for adults and children: An update. Journal of Marriage and Family, 76(3), 460–480.

• Johnston, J. R., Roseby, V., & Kuehnle, K. (2016). In the name of the child: A developmental approach to understanding and helping children of conflicted and violent divorce. Springer Publishing Company.

• Kelly, J. B., & Emery, R. E. (2003). Children’s adjustment following divorce: Risk and resilience perspectives. Family Relations, 52(4), 352–362.

Understanding Ambiguous Loss in 2025: Navigating Grief Amid Global Uncertainty

Ambiguous loss is a profound form of grief that occurs without clear closure or resolution. Coined by Dr. Pauline Boss in the 1970s, this concept describes situations where a person experiences loss without the traditional markers of death or finality. Such losses can be particularly challenging because they often go unrecognized by others, leading to feelings of isolation and confusion.

Types of Ambiguous Loss

Dr. Boss identifies two primary types of ambiguous loss:

1. Physical Absence with Psychological Presence: This occurs when a person is physically absent but still psychologically present. Examples include a loved one who has gone missing, a spouse who has left without explanation, or a parent who has abandoned the family.

2. Psychological Absence with Physical Presence: In this case, a person is physically present but psychologically absent. This can manifest in conditions like Alzheimer's disease, brain injuries, or severe mental illnesses, where the individual's cognitive functions are impaired, leading to a loss of the person as they once were.

Recent Insights and Research

Recent studies have expanded our understanding of ambiguous loss, highlighting its impact on various populations and contexts:

• Caregivers of Individuals with Dementia: Research indicates that caregivers of individuals with dementia often experience ambiguous loss due to the gradual cognitive decline of their loved ones. This type of loss can lead to prolonged grief and challenges in caregiving.

• Impact of Social Movements: Social movements and societal changes can also lead to ambiguous loss. For instance, communities affected by systemic racism may experience a loss of safety and identity, which is difficult to address due to its abstract nature.

• Global Crises: Events like natural disasters, political unrest, and pandemics can create situations of ambiguous loss, where individuals lose their sense of normalcy and security without a clear endpoint.

Coping Strategies

Coping with ambiguous loss requires unique approaches, as traditional grieving processes may not apply. Here are some strategies:

• Acknowledge the Loss: Recognizing and naming the ambiguous loss can validate the feelings of grief and help individuals begin the healing process.

• Seek Support: Connecting with others who understand the experience, such as support groups or therapists, can provide comfort and reduce feelings of isolation.

• Practice Self-Care: Engaging in activities that promote well-being, such as exercise, mindfulness, and hobbies, can help individuals manage stress and maintain resilience.

• Create Meaning: Finding new ways to create meaning in life, such as through art, community involvement, or personal growth, can help individuals navigate the uncertainty of ambiguous loss.

When to Seek Professional Help

If you find that the feelings associated with ambiguous loss are overwhelming or persistent, it may be beneficial to seek professional help. Therapists trained in grief and loss can provide support and strategies tailored to your specific situation.

At Summit Family Therapy, we understand the complexities of ambiguous loss and are here to support you through your journey. If you're struggling with unresolved grief, consider reaching out to our team for guidance and assistance.

Sources

1. Boss, P. (1999). Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief. Harvard University Press.

2. Kucukkaragoz, H., & Meylani, R. (2024). Ambiguous losses and their traumatic effects: A qualitative synthesis of the research literature. Batı Anadolu Eğitim Bilimleri Dergisi, 15(2), 721-755.

3. Ahmed, A., & Forrester, A. (2025). Mental health challenges of enforced disappearances: A call for research and action. International Journal of Social Psychiatry.

4. Danon, A., Dekel, R., & Horesh, D. (2025). Between mourning and hope: A mixed-methods study of ambiguous loss and posttraumatic stress symptoms among partners of Israel Defense Force veterans. Psychological Trauma: Theory, Research, Practice, and Policy, 17(4), 795-804.

5. Testoni, I., et al. (2023). Ambiguous loss and disenfranchised grief in formal care settings: A study among dementia caregivers. Journal of Aging Studies, 61, 100986.

6. Kor, K. (2024). Responding to children's ambiguous loss in out-of-home care: A qualitative study. Child & Family Social Work, 29(1), 72-80.

7. Mac Conaill, S. (2025). Long-term experiences of intrapersonal loss, grief, and change in people with acquired brain injury: A phenomenological study. Disability and Rehabilitation, 47(5), 1012-1020.

8. Zasiekina, L., Abraham, A., & Zasiekin, S. (2023). Unambiguous definition of ambiguous loss: Exploring conceptual boundaries of physical and psychological types through content analysis. East European Journal of Psycholinguistics, 10(2), 182-200.

9. Breen, L. (2025). 'Few people thought grief was a worthy topic': Reflections on two decades of research in hospice and palliative care. The Australian Research Magazine.

Not All Healing Happens in Silence: Retreats vs. Therapy Intensives

Group Therapeutic Intensive vs. Retreat: What’s the Difference?

When it comes to healing, growth, and recovering from trauma, there are several formats offered by therapists and wellness providers. Two common options are group therapeutic intensives and retreats. Though they can overlap, they also have distinct features, formats, and goals. Understanding the differences can help you decide what might best support your personal journey. Below is a comparison, informed by Summit Family Therapy’s Women’s Trauma Recovery Intensives.

Why a Psychotherapy Group Intensive Offers More Than Just a Retreat

While wellness retreats provide a beautiful pause from daily stress, a psychotherapy group intensive offers something far more powerful: lasting psychological change.

Unlike retreats that often focus on rest, relaxation, or general wellness, a group therapeutic intensive is designed for real transformation. These intensives are led by licensed mental health professionals and grounded in evidence-based treatment. Over the course of just a few days, participants engage in focused, structured therapeutic work that might otherwise take months to achieve in weekly sessions.

You're not just meditating or journaling—you’re actively processing trauma, confronting core emotional wounds, learning proven coping tools, and receiving real-time support from both a therapist and a small, safe group of peers who are also doing the work. It's a focused reset for your nervous system and emotional life—not just a break from your schedule.

Where a retreat may offer temporary relief, a therapeutic intensive can create a breakthrough.

If you’re feeling stuck in therapy, overwhelmed by symptoms, or ready to finally move past long-held emotional pain, a group intensive provides the depth, structure, and professional guidance necessary to create meaningful change—quickly, and with support. It’s healing with purpose, not just rest with intention.

What is a Group Therapeutic Intensive?

A group therapeutic intensive usually refers to a structured, concentrated set of therapy-oriented sessions occurring over a relatively short time span (often one weekend or a few consecutive days). Key characteristics include:

• Focused therapy work: Several hours per day are dedicated to therapeutic content—processing trauma, learning coping skills, emotional regulation, bodywork (yoga, breathwork), mindfulness, etc. In our “Connections” workshop, for example, you get 12+ hours of intensive group therapy.

• Small cohort size: Participants are few in number, which fosters safety, sharing, vulnerability, and connection. Summit’s intensives typically cap participation (e.g. max 12 people) so that each person can engage meaningfully.

• Therapeutic leadership: Led by licensed mental health professionals (e.g. Dr. Courtney Stivers in Summit’s case), often with additional specialists (yoga, bodywork, etc.), so therapy is well-supported with trauma-informed methods.

• Goal-oriented: Designed to make substantial progress on specific issues (like trauma, emotional regulation, boundaries, night terrors, etc.) in a condensed timeframe. It can be more efficient than spreading the same work out slowly over many weekly therapy sessions. Summit states that these intensives are helpful when weekly therapy may be difficult to maintain.

• Therapeutic exercises and customization: Prior to the intensive, there may be questionnaires or assessments to tailor the experience to the group’s needs. For example, Summit sends out a history questionnaire ahead of their workshop.

What is a Retreat?

The term “retreat” is broader and often implies a holistic, restorative environment that may combine therapy but tends to place more emphasis on rest, retreating from daily life, renewal, and integration. Features often include:

• More downtime / healing space: Retreats often provide time away from regular responsibilities. This allows clients to rest, reflect, and digest. While Summit’s intensives include therapeutic work, they also include restful practices (yoga, guided self‑care, mindful body‑work).

• Integration with wellness practices: Retreats tend to include more holistic or wellness components—yoga, nature,/body‑mind connection, spiritual or mindfulness rituals, possibly art or movement therapy. The Summit workshop includes yoga, breath work, body‑awareness practices.

• Sense of separation from everyday life: Retreats frequently take place in settings that promote separation from work, home routines, and usual stressors. This helps people unplug, refocus, and re‑center. Summit encourages staying in a hotel even for local participants to help create that separation.

• Balance between depth and rest: While therapy might be part of retreat, it's not always as intensively scheduled as in an intensive. Retreats often mix heavier therapeutic or educational content with lighter, restorative or reflective periods.

• Community and connection: As with intensives, retreats often emphasize connection with others—support, sharing, feeling seen and understood—but may make more space for bonding, communal meals, rest, and sharing in less structured ways. Retreats may have much larger numbers than intensives.

Example: Summit’s Model

Summit Family Therapy’s “Connections” intensive illustrates a model that blends both: it’s called an intensive but happens like a mini‑retreat over a weekend. You get deep therapeutic work (group sessions, trauma‑informed content) plus wellness practices (yoga, body connection) and shared community space. The schedule includes multiple therapy sessions per day, along with meals and opportunities for rest and reflection.

It’s designed for women who want to accelerate healing—especially those who find weekly therapy challenging or insufficient alone. It also gives a chance to reset, disconnect from routine, reconnect with self and others, and return home with new tools and renewed resources.

Conclusion

In short, a group therapeutic intensive tends to lean more toward focused, concentrated therapeutic work in a relatively short timeframe, while a retreat leans more toward holistic renewal, rest, and healing in a more spacious, less‐urgent format. Many programs (like Summit’s) blend elements of both so participants get both depth and restoration. Knowing what you need—whether it’s deep and fast work, or space to unwind and integrate—can help you choose the format that supports your healing best.

Understanding EMDR: A Powerful Tool for Healing Trauma

Trauma can leave a lasting mark on both the mind and body. Memories of painful experiences may replay over and over, emotions can feel overwhelming, and daily life can become a struggle. Fortunately, there are effective, evidence-based therapies designed to help the brain process trauma safely—and EMDR is one of the most powerful tools available.

What is EMDR?

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It’s a type of therapy that helps the brain process and integrate traumatic memories that have become “stuck.” Unlike traditional talk therapy, EMDR works with the mind-body connection to reframe distressing memories so they no longer have the same emotional intensity.

How Does EMDR Work?

During an EMDR session, a therapist guides a client through recalling a troubling memory while engaging in bilateral stimulation—usually eye movements, taps, or sounds alternating between left and right. This process helps the brain process the memory in a way that reduces its emotional charge.

Over time, EMDR can:

• Reduce the intensity of painful memories

• Decrease anxiety, fear, or flashbacks

• Improve emotional regulation

• Increase feelings of safety and empowerment

Who Can Benefit from EMDR?

EMDR is widely recognized as an effective treatment for:

• PTSD and C-PTSD

• Anxiety and panic disorders

• Phobias

• Trauma from accidents, abuse, or loss

• Emotional challenges that feel “stuck”

While EMDR is especially helpful for trauma, it can also support personal growth, resilience, and overcoming negative beliefs about oneself.

What to Expect in a Session

A typical EMDR session begins with:

1. Assessment and preparation: You and your therapist identify memories or issues to target and develop strategies for staying safe and grounded.

2. Processing: Through guided bilateral stimulation, the therapist helps your brain reprocess the memory. Emotions may surface, but the therapist supports you throughout.

3. Integration: New insights and perspectives emerge, helping the memory lose its grip and allowing you to move forward with less distress.

EMDR is not about reliving trauma; it’s about reprocessing it safely so your brain can integrate the experience without being overwhelmed.

Why EMDR is Effective

Trauma often leaves memories “unprocessed” in the brain. EMDR helps the mind process these memories in a natural, adaptive way—similar to how the brain processes experiences during REM sleep. Many clients report feeling lighter, calmer, and more able to engage in life fully after a series of sessions.

Final Thoughts

If trauma or distressing memories are affecting your daily life, EMDR may offer a path toward relief and healing. It’s a collaborative, evidence-based approach that can empower you to reclaim your life from the grip of past experiences.

At Summit Family Therapy, I use EMDR as part of trauma-informed care, helping clients safely process memories, reduce emotional distress, and build resilience. If you’re ready to explore EMDR for yourself, schedule a session with myself (or one of our other EMDR trained therapists) and take the first step toward healing.

What I Wish I Knew: A Parent’s Guide to Navigating Special Education

When I first stepped into the world of special education as a parent, I thought I was prepared. I’m a licensed therapist and I had already spent years working inside the school system. But nothing truly readied me for what it feels like to sit on the other side of the table; this time, as a mom advocating for her child.

Like many parents, I quickly discovered that the special education system is complicated, full of acronyms, timelines, and legal language that can make your head spin. I also learned that even when you know the system and language professionally, it feels very different when it’s your own child.

While not a replacement for a comprehensive list or lesson on special education law, this post is my attempt to share the things I wish someone had told me in the beginning, including rights, terms, processes, and encouragement that may make advocating for your child a little less overwhelming. Coming from a place of professional knowledge and personal experience, my hope is that you’ll feel more confident walking into meetings, asking the hard questions, and remembering that you are your child’s best advocate.

Disclaimer: I'm not an attorney, and this post is not intended as legal advice. Special education laws and timelines can vary by state, so always double-check details with your local school district or a qualified legal professional if you need specific guidance.

Parent Rights

One of the most important things I’ve learned as a parent in the special education system is that we have rights, and they matter. These are just a few rights I found helpful to keep in mind for myself, and have often used to reassure my clients who navigate the special education world. 

• 90 days right: When you put in a written request for your child to be evaluated for services, at any time during the year,  the school is on the clock. They have 90 days to complete the evaluation and let you know if your child qualifies for services, and set up a plan. That timeline is there to protect your child from unnecessary delays, so don’t be afraid to hold the school accountable. I recommend emailing your request directly to your child's teacher and/or principal so that you have your own record of when the request was made. 

• Support in meetings: You also don’t have to walk into meetings alone. You have the right to bring someone with you; whether that’s a professional advocate, a lawyer, or even just a trusted friend who can take notes and help you feel supported. Having another voice in the room can make a huge difference. My own experience working with a professional advocate was invaluable. 

• Right to appeal: If you disagree with what the school decides, you don’t have to just accept it. You have the right to appeal. That might mean asking for mediation, filing a complaint, or requesting a due process hearing. These options exist because your perspective matters.

• Right to contribute and/or request records: Most importantly, remember that you are an equal member of your child’s team. The school cannot create or finalize a 504 Plan or IEP without parent/guardian input. You also have the right to see all of your child’s records, so you know exactly what’s being said and done on their behalf. It was easiest for me to request copies of everything at meetings and keep them in a folder on my Google drive for reference. 

Common Terms & Processes

One of the biggest challenges I faced early on was simply keeping up with all the acronyms. The special education world has a language of its own, and at first I felt like I needed a dictionary just to follow along in meetings. Here are a few of the most common terms you’ll likely hear:

• When your child needs extra support at school, you’ll often hear two terms: a 504 Plan and an IEP. While they sound similar, they serve different purposes.

• A 504 Plan is designed to give children with a physical or mental impairment access to the classroom. It provides accommodations (things like extra time on tests, preferential seating, or movement breaks) that help a student learn alongside their peers. It doesn’t change what your child is taught, just how they access the learning. 

• An IEP, or Individualized Education Plan, goes a step further. It’s meant for children whose disabilities require specialized instruction. An IEP not only lists accommodations but also sets specific learning goals and provides services like speech therapy, occupational therapy, social work, or small-group teaching. It’s a legally binding plan under federal education law that shapes how your child is taught, not just how they access the classroom.

In short: a 504 Plan levels the playing field, while an IEP changes the game plan to meet your child’s unique learning needs.

• LRE:  You might come across the term LRE, which stands for Least Restrictive Environment. This means schools are required to educate children with disabilities alongside their peers as much as possible, providing supports before moving a child into a more separate setting.

• FAPE: Another big one is FAPE, or Free Appropriate Public Education. In simple terms, this is your child’s federal right to an education at no cost to you, designed to meet their unique needs.

• FBA & BIP: If your child struggles with behavior, the school may suggest an FBA, or Functional Behavioral Assessment. This is a way to figure out why certain behaviors are happening. From there, the team may create a BIP, or Behavior Intervention Plan, which lays out strategies and supports to help your child succeed.

• Related Services: You might also hear about related services—things like speech therapy, occupational therapy, or social work—that can be written into an IEP if they’re necessary for your child to learn.

• PWN: And when changes are proposed (or denied) in your child’s plan, the school must give you a Prior Written Notice (PWN), which is a formal document explaining what decisions were made and why.

Final Thoughts

It’s a lot to take in, but the more familiar you become with the language, the more confident you’ll feel in those meetings. You don’t have to be fluent in “SPED-speak” right away. Just knowing the basics can help you keep the focus where it belongs—on your child.

Navigating the special education system is rarely straightforward, but you don’t have to do it alone or feel powerless in the process. By learning our rights as parents and trusting our role as equal members of the team, we can approach each meeting with greater confidence. While school professionals bring expertise to the table, we as parents/guardians can bring something no one else can, and that is deep, personal knowledge of our children. Our inclusion and advocacy on the IEP team for our children is not only our right, but is essential and powerful, and is exactly what our children need to learn and thrive.

Looking for additional support? If you’ve been thinking about starting therapy—or returning to it—this is your reminder that you don’t have to walk through life’s challenges alone. I am here to provide a safe, supportive space where you can process, heal, and discover new ways to move forward with confidence and clarity.

Life Transitions: 8 Tips for Navigating Change with Grace and Resilience

What Is a Life Transition?

Life transitions are moments of change that invite us to pause and reflect on who we are and who we want to become. While transitions can happen at any stage of life, they often feel particularly intense during midlife, retirement, or other pivotal periods. It’s normal to feel uncertain, anxious, or even sad during these times—these emotions are part of what it means to be human.

Examples of Life Transitions:

• Getting married

• Pregnancy or becoming a parent

• Divorce or separation

• Leaving home or moving to a new place

• Empty nest syndrome

• Career change or job loss

• Health challenges or serious illness

• Significant loss (person, pet, or anything important)

• Retirement

Why Do Transitions Feel Overwhelming?

Change can feel like stepping into the unknown. Our minds naturally crave predictability, so when the familiar shifts, we may feel anxious, vulnerable, or even mourn the life we once had. Sometimes this stress can show up as trouble sleeping, changes in appetite, or even feelings of depression or anxiety. When it becomes too much to handle on your own, it may even meet the criteria for an adjustment disorder, which is a normal response to major life changes (O'Donnell et al., 2019).

Finding the Silver Lining

Though change can be challenging, it also carries opportunities for growth. Research shows that successfully navigating transitions can strengthen resilience, boost confidence, and increase emotional awareness (Peng et al., 2025). You may discover new skills, uncover what truly matters to you, or develop a deeper sense of self. Even transitions we didn’t choose can bring unexpected benefits.

Coping with Change: Evidence-Based Strategies

Here are ways to care for yourself and navigate life’s transitions with compassion and clarity:

1. Acknowledge Your Emotions: Allow yourself to feel whatever arises—fear, sadness, excitement, or relief. Naming your emotions validates them and begins the healing process.

2. Reach Out for Support: Lean on friends, family, or support groups. Sharing your experience reminds you that you are not alone.

3. Practice Self-Compassion: Be gentle with yourself. Adjusting to change takes time, and it’s okay to stumble along the way.

4. Take Care of Your Body: Sleep, nutrition, and movement all influence your emotional well-being. A healthy body supports a resilient mind.

5. Use Active Coping Strategies: Problem-solving, goal-setting, or positive reframing can help you feel more in control of your new circumstances (Sundqvist et al., 2024).

6. Reflect on Your Values: Clarifying what matters most to you can guide your decisions and help you move forward with intention.

7. Build New Routines: Small, consistent habits create stability amidst uncertainty.

8. Allow Yourself Time: Life transitions are a journey. Celebrate small wins and notice how you grow along the way.

When to Seek Professional Help

If the stress of change feels unmanageable, or if you notice persistent sadness, anxiety, or thoughts of self-harm, reach out for professional support immediately. Therapists can provide a safe space to explore your emotions, develop coping strategies, and navigate life’s transitions with guidance and care (Novaković et al., 2025).

At Summit Family Therapy, we honor the courage it takes to face life’s transitions. You do not have to navigate these changes alone. Together, we can explore your feelings, clarify your goals, and help you move forward with hope and confidence.

Sources

1. O'Donnell, M. L., et al. (2019). Adjustment Disorder: Current Developments and Future Directions. International Review of Psychiatry.

2. Novaković, I. Z., et al. (2025). Mental health during and after the COVID-19 pandemic. Psychiatry and Clinical Neurosciences.

3. Peng, M., et al. (2025). Relationships between emotional intelligence, mental resilience, and adjustment disorder in newly licensed registered nurses. Journal of Advanced Nursing.

4. Sundqvist, A. J. E., et al. (2024). The influence of educational transitions on loneliness and mental health among emerging adults. Journal of Youth and Adolescence.

5. Parola, A., et al. (2025). Resources and personal adjustment for career transitions in adolescents. Journal of Vocational Behavior.

PTSD vs. C-PTSD: Understanding the Differences

When people talk about trauma, the term “PTSD” often comes up. But in recent years, another diagnosis has gained recognition: Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD). While both involve the lasting impact of trauma, they are not the same. Understanding the differences can help individuals find the right kind of support and healing.

What is PTSD?

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) typically develops after experiencing or witnessing a single traumatic event—or a few distinct traumatic events. These events often involve life-threatening situations, such as:

• Military combat

• Natural disasters

• Serious accidents

• Assault or violent crime

Symptoms of PTSD often include:

• Flashbacks or intrusive memories

• Nightmares

• Hypervigilance or being “on edge”

• Avoidance of reminders of the trauma

• Emotional numbing or detachment

PTSD is the mind and body’s way of staying on alert after something overwhelming and unsafe has happened.

What is C-PTSD?

Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) develops from ongoing or repeated trauma over time, especially in situations where a person feels trapped and powerless. This might include:

• Chronic childhood abuse or neglect

• Domestic violence

• Long-term captivity, trafficking, or oppression

• Repeated emotional, physical, or sexual abuse

In addition to the core PTSD symptoms, people with C-PTSD often experience:

• Deep shame or guilt

• Difficulty trusting others

• A negative self-image (“I’m worthless,” “I’m broken”)

• Emotional regulation struggles (intense anger, sadness, or numbness)

• Persistent feelings of helplessness or hopelessness

• Challenges with relationships and attachment

While PTSD may feel like the nervous system is “stuck in the past,” C-PTSD often feels like trauma has woven itself into a person’s sense of identity and daily life.

Why the Distinction Matters

Recognizing the difference between PTSD and C-PTSD is important for healing. Traditional PTSD treatments may not fully address the relational wounds, shame, and chronic stress patterns seen in C-PTSD. Complex trauma often requires a slower, gentler, and relationship-focused approach to restore safety and self-worth.

Pathways to Healing

The good news is that both PTSD and C-PTSD are treatable. Therapy can help you reconnect with your body, process memories safely, and begin to rewrite the story trauma has left behind. Helpful approaches may include:

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)

• Somatic and body-based therapies

• Trauma-informed cognitive or narrative therapy

• Supportive group therapy or community connection

Final Thoughts

Whether you identify with PTSD or C-PTSD, you are not alone—and what happened to you does not define your worth. Healing may look different for each person, but with the right support, it is possible to find peace, strength, and connection again.

At Summit Family Therapy, I specialize in working with trauma survivors, helping them gently rebuild safety, self-trust, and resilience. If you’re ready to take the next step in your healing journey, I invite you to schedule a session with me, Dr. Courtney Stivers.

When Life Hits Hard: How Critical Incident Stress Debriefing Can Help

Life is complex enough, but there are moments when it suddenly becomes even more overwhelming. These moments are what we call a crisis. A crisis often feels traumatic, and in an instant, our lives are altered forever. It could be a terrorist attack, a violent crime, a natural disaster, or another event that strikes deeply.

When a crisis happens in a shared space—like a workplace, school, sporting event, or office—it becomes a collective tragedy. For example, when staff at a factory witnessed a coworker injured in a violent industrial accident, the impact rippled through the entire team. Recognizing the need to support their employees, the management reached out to a trained professional to conduct a Critical Incident Stress Debriefing (CISD).

What is a CISD?

As a mental health professional, I facilitate CISDs to help individuals and groups process traumatic events. During a CISD, we discuss what happened, what we are feeling, and how we can begin to heal. The first step is creating a safe, confidential space where participants can openly share their experiences and start to explore the question: “Where do we go from here?”

CISDs are flexible—they can occur immediately after a crisis, a week later, or even years after the event. While a CISD is not psychotherapy, it serves as an opportunity for emotional repair and education, helping participants understand that their reactions are normal. Human beings are not built to handle crises effortlessly, so it’s expected that our emotional and physical responses may feel intense or confusing.

What Happens During a CISD

1. Sharing Thoughts and Feelings: Participants describe what they experienced and how they are feeling now. This helps normalize their reactions and fosters connection.

2. Educational Component: We discuss common stress reactions and coping strategies, helping participants understand their responses to trauma.

3. Questions and Discussion: Participants ask questions, often uncovering insights that strengthen the healing process.

4. Referrals for Further Support: If needed, participants are connected with mental health professionals for additional care.

A CISD is a starting point for healing, giving people a structured environment to process life when it has thrown its hardest punches. It reminds us that while we cannot always control what happens, we can take meaningful steps toward understanding, connection, and recovery.