The Good Enough Parent: Why Perfection Isn’t My Goal

If you’ve ever stayed awake at night replaying the moment you lost your patience with your child or worried that not doing enough will somehow “ruin” them, please know that you’re not alone. As a therapist and a parent myself, I feel this pressure often. We live in a culture that bombards us with images of the “perfect” parent. I see influencers who are endlessly patient, creative, calm, and available and can't help but compare myself to their “perfection.” But here’s the truth: your child doesn’t need a perfect parent. They just need a good enough one.

This phrase “the good enough parent” was introduced by British pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott back in the mid-20th century. He noticed that children don’t thrive because their parents never make mistakes. They thrive because, in the everyday rhythm of caregiving, parents provide enough love, enough safety, and enough presence for a child to grow in their own unique way.

Over the last few decades, science has continued to support Winnicott’s ideas. In the 1970s, researcher Mary Ainsworth created the now-famous “Strange Situation” study, which showed that children form secure attachments not because their parents are perfect, but because their parents are sensitive and responsive much of the time. Later, Ed Tronick’s “Still Face” experiment revealed that even when parents miss a baby’s signals, what really matters is coming back into connection. Through study and experience, we’ve learned that repair, not perfection, helps children thrive as they learn and grow. 

Other researchers have pointed out that striving for perfection can actually make things harder. Parenting expert Jay Belsky, for example, showed that stress and pressure often get in the way of healthy parent–child connections. Modern writers like Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson (authors of The Power of Showing Up) reassure us that showing up consistently, even imperfectly, positively impacts a child’s brain development and sense of security.

I think about this in my own parenting often. There have been plenty of times when I’ve lost my patience over homework battles, the mad scramble to get out the door in the morning, or bedtime protests. In the heat of the moment, I often mess up or do things “imperfectly.”  But what I’ve learned is that the repair matters more than the slip. I'm learning to circle back, whether it’s with a hug, an apology, or just taking a calmer moment together. My kids certainly won’t remember me as perfect, but they’ll remember that I cared enough to come back.

We are all learning as we go, similar to how humans learn to walk: We stumble, we fall, we get back up and move forward. In the same way, our children are learning about relationships through us. Our missteps and stumbles are not proof of failure, they’re part of the process. Winnicott believed that these imperfect, “good enough” moments are what help kids build resilience and strength. And I believe it too, because I’ve seen it, not just in the research or in the families I work with, but because I’m living it every day.

If you’ve been carrying the heavy burden of guilt that you’re not doing enough or “ruining” your kids, I encourage you to pause, breathe, and remind yourself: Your child doesn’t need a flawless parent. They need you: human, imperfect, loving, and learning right alongside them. Good enough is more than enough.

Resources: 

If this idea resonates with you, here are a few resources you might enjoy:

1. Donald Winnicott’s The Child, the Family, and the Outside World – where he first introduced the “good enough parent.”

2. The Power of Showing Up by Daniel Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson – a modern, practical guide rooted in attachment science.

3. Ed Tronick’s Still Face Experiment (a short video online) – a striking demonstration of how repair matters more than perfection.

4. Hold On to Your Kids by Gabor Maté – a validating read about the importance of connection.

5. Kristin Neff’s book Self-Compassion (or her TED talk) – a helpful antidote to perfectionism.

Source: https://thesupportspace.wordpress.com/category/parenthood/

Back-to-School Stress: How to Support Yourself and Your Family

Back-to-school season is often a mix of excitement and anxiety—for both students and parents. While a new year brings opportunities for learning, growth, and connection, it can also trigger stress, overwhelm, and worry. Understanding what drives this stress and how to manage it can make the transition smoother for everyone.

Why Back-to-School Can Be Stressful

Several factors contribute to heightened stress during this time:

• Change in routine: Shifting from relaxed summer schedules to early mornings, homework, and extracurricular activities can disrupt both sleep and daily rhythms.

• Academic pressure: Expectations around grades, performance, and achievement can weigh heavily on students.

• Social dynamics: Meeting new classmates, navigating friendships, or dealing with bullying can create anxiety.

• Parental stress: Parents often feel pressure to manage logistics, support children’s needs, and meet expectations themselves.

Even adults who aren’t in school may feel a sense of “seasonal stress” as routines shift and responsibilities pile up.

Signs of Back-to-School Stress

Stress can show up in many ways, both emotional and physical:

• Irritability or mood swings

• Difficulty sleeping or oversleeping

• Trouble concentrating or completing tasks

• Headaches, stomachaches, or other physical complaints

• Avoidance of school or related activities

Recognizing these signs early can help prevent stress from escalating into anxiety or burnout.

Strategies to Reduce Back-to-School Stress

1. Establish a Routine

Start preparing a few weeks in advance with consistent wake-up, meal, and bedtime schedules. A predictable routine helps children—and adults—feel more grounded.

2. Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation

Simple breathing exercises, meditation, or grounding techniques can help manage racing thoughts and calm the nervous system. Even five minutes a day can make a difference.

3. Prioritize Sleep and Nutrition

Sleep is critical for emotional regulation and cognitive function. Balanced meals and regular hydration also support resilience during stressful times.

4. Communicate Openly

Encourage children (and yourself) to share feelings and worries. Validating emotions rather than minimizing them helps reduce stress and fosters connection.

5. Set Realistic Expectations

No one is perfect—academic or otherwise. Celebrate effort, curiosity, and growth rather than only focusing on grades or achievements.

6. Seek Support if Needed

If stress feels overwhelming, persistent, or is interfering with daily life, consider talking with a therapist. Therapy provides tools to manage anxiety, strengthen coping skills, and build confidence during transitions.

Final Thoughts

Back-to-school stress is a normal response to change, but it doesn’t have to take over the season. With awareness, preparation, and self-care, families and students can navigate the transition with more calm, connection, and confidence.

At Summit Family Therapy, I work with children, teens, and parents to manage stress, build resilience, and support healthy emotional development. If you or your child are feeling overwhelmed this school year, schedule a session with one of our therapists and take the first step toward a calmer, more confident start.

We Are Growing! Meet Our New Counselors

We Are Growing! Meet Our New Counselors

2020 has been a very challenging year for the mental health of our community. Mental Health America reports that anxiety and depression rates have increased at an alarming pace, self harm and suicide are on the rise, people are struggling more with isolation and loneliness, and rates of anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation are increasing for people of all races and ethnicities. Numbers demonstrate that from January through September, pandemic enduring youth ages 11-17 have been more likely than any other age group to report moderate to severe symptoms of anxiety and depression and have the highest rates of suicidal ideation, especially LGBTQ+ youth. The number of youth reaching out for help is also increasing. Black or African Americans report the highest average percent change over time for anxiety and depression, while Indigenous Americans have had the highest average percent change over time for suicidal ideation.

We are very excited to announce that two seasoned counselors have joined our practice! Our hope is that we are able to support even more people who are struggling during the pandemic through this expansion, especially youth, families, and adults.

Erica Ray, M.Ed., LCPC

Erica Ray, M.Ed., LCPC, earned her Master of Arts in Education, School Counseling, from The University of Akron. She brings to our practice her experience with counseling in a school setting, developing wilderness experiences for at risk youth, therapeutic boarding school programming, collaborating with the Department of Child and Family Services, and has training in Trauma Focused CBT. Her client areas of focus are school aged children, teens, and adults. She has full time hours available to see clients.

Jayshree Panchal, MA, LCPC

Jayshree Panchal, MA, LCPC, graduated from Bradley University with a Master of Arts in Human Development Counseling. She brings many years of experience counseling adolescents, college students, and adults. She uses trauma informed approaches to treat grief and loss, improve relationships, assist with college preparation, and enhance career development.  She has practiced in many settings, including schools, career centers, hospital units, and community mental health. She is practicing with us part time on evenings and weekends.

Please join us in celebrating this milestone for our practice. We know it is harder right now to find a counselor who is taking new clients because of the pandemic increasing the demand for services. If you are interested in scheduling a counseling session for yourself or your child, give us a call today at 309-713-1485 or email info@summitfamily.net.