Hat, Haircut, and Tattoo Decisions: A Better Way to Decide Almost Anything

Years ago, I stood in a store holding a sweater I didn’t need but really liked.

It wasn’t expensive. It wouldn’t change my life. And yet, I stood there debating it like I was deciding whether to quit my job.

At the same time, I was doing the opposite in other areas of my life. I tended to make impulsive, rushed, high-stakes decisions with far less thought than they deserved.

I was reminded of this dilemma when presented with the mental model James Clear shares in Atomic Habits: hat, haircut, and tattoo decisions (Clear, 2018).

Once I learned it, I started noticing how often I get decision-making backwards.

The Mental Model

James Clear breaks decisions into three categories:

• Hat decisions are easy to reverse. You try them on. If you don’t like them, you take them off.

• Haircut decisions take time to undo. You’ll live with the result for a while, but it’s not permanent.

• Tattoo decisions are long-lasting or irreversible. They shape your identity and future options.

The issue isn’t poor judgment.
It’s misclassifying the decision.

Hat Decisions: Low Risk, High Learning

Buying the sweater was a hat decision.

The downside was limited. The upside was learning whether I’d actually enjoy wearing it. Either way, the cost of being wrong was small.

Hat decisions tend to be:

• Low cost

• Reversible

• Rich in feedback

And yet, these are the decisions we overthink the most.

We hesitate to:

• Try a new routine

• Publish a piece of writing

• Attend one class or event

• Test a new tool or habit

Behavioral science consistently shows that small experiments reduce fear and increase action. This is the foundation of Eric Ries’ Lean Startup methodology, which emphasizes rapid experimentation and learning over premature optimization (Ries, 2011).

Psychologically, this works because it lowers perceived risk and bypasses loss aversion: the tendency to overweight potential losses relative to gains (Kahneman & Tversky, 1979).

Hat decisions aren’t about being right.
They’re about learning quickly.

Haircut Decisions: Commit, Then Revisit

Changing jobs, on the other hand, is not a hat decision.

It’s a haircut.

When I changed roles a few years ago, I knew I wasn’t locking myself into a permanent identity; but I also knew the decision would shape my skills, network, and trajectory for years. There were switching costs. I couldn’t just undo it next week.

Haircut decisions:

• Require commitment

• Have delayed feedback

• Are reversible, but not instantly

Examples include:

• Changing roles or career direction

• Moving to a new city

• Taking on a long-term project

• Committing to a serious fitness or financial plan

Research on goal-setting shows that commitment paired with clear review points leads to better outcomes than either indecision or blind persistence (Locke & Latham, 2002).

Instead of asking, “Is this perfect?”
A better question is:

“Can I commit to this for a defined period and reassess honestly?”

Haircut decisions shouldn’t trap you, but they should be taken seriously.

Tattoo Decisions: Slow Down and Zoom Out

Then there are tattoo decisions.

For me, this looked like making a meaningful financial sacrifice early in my career: choosing flexibility and alignment over immediate compensation. That choice closed some doors while opening others.

Tattoo decisions tend to:

• Be difficult or impossible to reverse

• Shape identity

• Influence future options in compounding ways

Examples include:

• Marriage

• Having children

• Starting a company

• Taking on significant debt

• Publicly anchoring your identity to a role or belief

James Clear emphasizes that identity-based decisions are the hardest to undo, because once something becomes part of who we think we are, it reinforces future behavior (Clear, Identity-Based Habits).

This is why tattoo decisions deserve slowness: not fear, but reflection.

Tattoo decisions aren’t about efficiency.
They’re about alignment.

The Hidden Cost of Category Errors

Most decision-related stress comes from treating the wrong decisions as permanent.

• Overthinking hat decisions leads to anxiety and stagnation

• Rushing tattoo decisions leads to regret

Cognitive biases help explain why:

• Loss aversion magnifies small risks

• Social evaluation inflates trivial choices

• Present bias downplays long-term consequences (Thaler, 1981)

Clarity returns when you ask:

What kind of decision is this, really?

A Simple Filter

When faced with a difficult choice, ask:

1. How reversible is this?

2. What’s the worst (realistic) downside?

3. What information will I gain by acting?

Then match your speed accordingly:

• Hat → act quickly

• Haircut → commit with a timeline

• Tattoo → slow down and zoom out

Why This Matters for Habits and Growth

Most meaningful change doesn’t begin with a tattoo decision.

It begins with hat decisions repeated consistently.

Research on self-perception theory suggests that we infer identity from behavior, not intention (Bem, 1972). Small actions, repeated over time, quietly reshape how we see ourselves.

By lowering the stakes on most decisions, we make better ones on the few that truly matter.

So buy the sweater - or don’t - but don’t let it drain your energy.
Save that care for the decisions that will still matter years from now.

Does this idea resonate with you? Check out my works cited, or here's a short list of recommendations:

1. Atomic Habits by James Clear
   The foundation. Clear’s work on identity-based habits explains why small, reversible actions compound into permanent change, and where the hat, haircut, tattoo framework fits into a bigger picture.
   https://jamesclear.com/atomic-habits

2. Identity-Based Habits (Article) by James Clear
   A short, high-impact read that clarifies why some decisions feel permanent: once something becomes part of your identity, it’s much harder to undo.
   https://jamesclear.com/identity-based-habits

3. Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman
   A classic on how humans misjudge risk and consequence. Especially useful for understanding why we overthink low-stakes decisions and underestimate long-term ones.

4. Hat, Haircut, Tattoo Decisions (Video)
   A clear, accessible breakdown of the framework in video form. Great if you want a quick refresher or prefer visual explanations.
   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AHIXRo7zICM

The Quiet Power of Friendship: Why We Need Each Other More Than Ever

As a therapist, I’m often reminded that some of the most important healing doesn’t happen in my office. Healing happens over cups of coffee, in late-night phone calls, during shared laughter, or when someone says, “I’m here. Tell me what’s going on” or “I support you.”

Friendship is not just a social luxury. It's an essential component of mental and emotional well-being. Research consistently shows that meaningful social connection is one of the strongest predictors of life satisfaction, resilience, and even physical health. And yet, in a world that prizes independence and busyness, many of us underestimate the quiet power of friendship.

This season I want to explore why investing in healthy friendship matters, and why nurturing these bonds is one of the healthiest choices you can make.

Friendship Supports Emotional Well-Being

Humans are wired for connection. Supportive friendships create a sense of belonging, which reduces feelings of loneliness and isolation. Even a single close relationship can significantly lower stress levels and improve our sense of stability.

Studies show that people with strong social ties have:

• Better self-esteem

• A stronger sense of purpose

• Higher levels of happiness

• Greater life satisfaction

Friends remind us that we don’t have to carry life alone.

Friendship Protects Mental Health

The benefits aren’t just emotional,  they’re biological. Supportive relationships have been linked to lower cortisol (the stress hormone), better emotional regulation, and reduced symptoms of anxiety and depression.

Friendship acts like a buffer between us and the stressful events of life. When we know we have someone to lean on, challenges feel more manageable.

And importantly: the quality of friendships matters more than the quantity.
A few deep, trusted relationships often offer more support than dozens of casual acquaintances.

Friendship Strengthens Physical Health, Too

Decades of research show consistent patterns: socially connected people tend to live longer, recover more quickly from illness, and have lower rates of chronic health conditions such as high blood pressure.

Why?
Because feeling supported lowers stress, encourages healthy habits, and strengthens the immune system. Friendship, in many ways, is preventative medicine.

Why Friendship Is Especially Important During Transitions

Life transitions often shake our sense of identity. New jobs, moves, parenthood, relationship changes, grief can leave us feeling untethered.

In these moments, healthy friendships provide continuity. They remind us of who we are, what we value, and how much we matter.

If you’re going through a challenging season, consider asking yourself: Who in my life offers comfort, grounding, and perspective? And have I reached out lately?

An Invitation

If friendship has slipped to the bottom of your priority list, as it often does for busy adults, it’s worth revisiting. Even small steps matter: a text message, a short check-in call, or setting a date to reconnect.

Your mental health will thank you.

Want to Learn More About Friendship & Mental Health?

If you’re curious about how friendships support emotional well-being, these resources are a great place to start:

1. Platonic by Dr. Marisa G. Franco

A compassionate, research-based book about building and maintaining meaningful friendships as an adult.

1. Friendship by Lydia Denworth

Explores the science behind why connection matters for our mental and physical health.

1. Mayo Clinic: “Friendships: Enrich Your Life and Improve Your Health”

A clear, easy-to-read overview of how friendships reduce stress, improve mood, and support overall well-being.

1. TED-Ed: “How Some Friendships Last — and Others Don’t”

A short, engaging video about what helps friendships thrive over time.

1. BBC Global: “How Friendships Could Help Us Live Longer”

Looks at the link between social connection, health, and longevity.

Setting Healthy Boundaries During the Holidays : Why it matters, and how to do it without guilt.

The holidays can be a beautiful time of connection, but they can also bring stress, overstimulation, and complicated family dynamics. I find this season especially challenging because expectations seem to increase, while my personal bandwidth decreases. Can you relate? 

This is exactly why the holidays are one of the most important times to set boundaries. My boundaries exist not to distance myself from the people I love, but to stay grounded, emotionally safe, and genuinely present.

Why Holiday Boundaries Matter

The holidays often come with:

• packed schedules

• emotional triggers

• financial pressure

• family expectations

• social obligations

• travel stress

• less time for rest

Even joyful moments can feel heavy if you don’t have enough space to recover, recharge, or take care of yourself. Boundaries help you protect your energy so you can actually enjoy the parts of the season that matter to you.

A boundary is simply:
A limit that protects your well-being.
Not a rule for others, but a guideline for you.

Common Holiday Boundary Struggles

If any of these resonate, you’re not alone:

• Feeling obligated to attend every event

• Pressure to spend money you don’t have

• Being around relatives who drain you emotionally

• Comments about your body, relationship status, or life choices

• Feeling guilty saying no

• Old roles resurfacing (“the fixer,” “the peacemaker,” “the responsible one”)

• Needing downtime but afraid to disappoint others

The holidays often activate old patterns. Boundaries help you create new ones.

How to Set Holiday Boundaries (without guilt)

1. Check in with yourself first

Before saying yes out of pressure or habit, ask:

• What do I actually have the energy for?

• What events matter most to me?

• What am I doing out of obligation, fear, or guilt?

Clarity makes boundary setting much easier.

2. Choose what you want to protect

This might be:

• your time

• your finances

• your emotional safety

• your rest

• your peace

• your physical space

• your kids’ boundaries

• your sobriety

• your healing

Your boundaries should honor and protect what matters most to you. 

3. Communicate simply and clearly

Holiday boundaries don’t require long explanations.
Short, kind statements work best.

Try:

• “I’m not able to attend, but thank you for inviting me.”

• “We’re keeping gifts simple this year.”

• “I’m stepping away for some quiet time.”

• “Let’s avoid that topic today. It's sensitive for me.”

• “I’m coming for two hours, then heading home to rest.”

4. Prepare for some pushback, and stay calm

When you change a pattern, others may need time to adjust. Their reaction is about their expectations, not your worth.

Healthy people respect healthy boundaries.

5. Follow through

A boundary only works when you honor it, even if it feels uncomfortable.

If you say you’re leaving by 8:00, and you leave by 8:00, you reinforce your own sense of safety and self-trust.

Holiday Boundary Scripts for Real Situations

When someone pushes you to attend an event:

“Thanks for including me. I’m keeping my schedule lighter this year, so I’m not able to come.”

When money is tight:

“We’re doing small or handmade gifts this year. Thank you for understanding.”

When a family member comments on your body or life choices:

“I’m not discussing that.”
If they continue: “If this keeps coming up, I’ll need to step out for a bit.”

When you need a break:

“I’m going to take a little quiet time. I’ll be back in a bit.”

When you want a shorter visit:

“I can come between 3 and 5.”
(Notice this is a boundary, not a negotiation.)

When alcohol will be present and you’re not drinking:

“I’m not drinking today, but I’m happy to be here with everyone.”

When family conflict arises:

“I want to enjoy our time together. I’m not engaging in arguments today.”

A Compassionate Reminder

You are not responsible for managing everyone’s emotions this holiday season.
You’re responsible for taking care of your nervous system, your energy, and your emotional well-being.

Your boundaries don’t make you difficult.
Your boundaries allow you to show up as your most grounded, present, and authentic self, and that is a gift to everyone around you.

What is Play Therapy?

As parents, we want the very best for our children. When they’re struggling, whether with big feelings, changes at home, or difficult experiences, it can be hard to know how to help. Many parents come to me saying, “They won’t talk about it. I’ve tried asking, but I just can’t get through.” That’s where play therapy is a great option.

Why Play Instead of Talking?

Adults often process emotions by talking. Children, however, typically don’t have the words or life experience to explain what’s going on inside. Instead, they may “speak” through play. When a child picks up a toy, draws a picture, or acts out a story, they’re often telling us what they’re feeling, even if they can’t put it into words. Play therapy is a specialized form of counseling that uses this natural language of children to help them express themselves, work through challenges, and build skills for coping and resilience.

What You Can Expect as a Parent

It’s normal to wonder, What exactly happens in play therapy? or How will this help my child? Here are some key things to know:

• Sessions look like play, but they have purpose. Your child will use toys, games, art, and stories to explore feelings. The therapist is trained to guide this process so the play becomes healing and meaningful.

• Progress takes time. Just like with adults, therapy is a process, not a quick fix. You may notice small shifts such as better mood, fewer meltdowns, more confidence, though these may be observed over weeks and months during treatment.

• Parent Involvement. Parents play a vital role. Depending on the therapist’s approach, you might meet regularly with the therapist to discuss your child’s progress, learn strategies for home, or even join in parts of sessions.

• Confidentiality matters. Children need to feel safe in therapy. That means your therapist may not share every detail of what happens in the playroom, but they will update you on themes, progress, and ways you can support your child outside of sessions.

• It’s about building tools for life. The goal isn’t to make problems “disappear,” but to help your child develop healthier ways to understand and manage their emotions, relationships, and experiences.

How Parents Can Support the Process

• Be patient—healing happens in small steps.

• Stay consistent with therapy appointments.

• Show interest without pressuring your child to “report back” after sessions.

• Practice new coping skills at home when your therapist suggests them.

Recommended Reading for Parents

If you’d like to learn more about play therapy and supporting your child’s emotional growth, here are some excellent resources:

• “Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship” by Garry L. Landreth – A classic guide for understanding the philosophy behind play therapy.

• “Parenting with Play Therapy: A Practical Guide to Nurturing Emotional Well-Being” by Nancy Boyd Webb – Accessible, parent-friendly insights.

• “Child-Centered Play Therapy: A Practical Guide to Developing Therapeutic Relationships with Children” by Rise VanFleet – Helpful for parents curious about the techniques therapists use.

Short Videos about Play Therapy

If you’re a visual learner, like me, here are some short videos on YouTube that do a great job of outlining play therapy and its benefits:

• Introduction to Play Therapy — therapist Joey Harmon gives an overview of child-centered play therapy

• Play Therapy Works! — a succinct video by the Association for Play Therapy introducing what play therapy is and why credentialed therapists matter 

• Play is the Child’s Language: Play Therapy — Joanne Wicks describes how play is children’s emotional expression in a brief talk 

• Introducing Andrew — a short clip emphasizing that “play is a child’s first language” and how children express inner worlds through play 

Final Thoughts

Remember: seeking play therapy doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a parent. It means you’re giving your child another pathway to healing and growth, and that’s a powerful gift.

Disclaimer: The content shared on this blog reflects my personal and professional reflections. It is intended for general informational and educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for therapy, counseling, or professional mental health treatment. If you are experiencing distress or seeking support, I encourage you to reach out to a qualified mental health professional in your area.

The Good Enough Parent: Why Perfection Isn’t My Goal

If you’ve ever stayed awake at night replaying the moment you lost your patience with your child or worried that not doing enough will somehow “ruin” them, please know that you’re not alone. As a therapist and a parent myself, I feel this pressure often. We live in a culture that bombards us with images of the “perfect” parent. I see influencers who are endlessly patient, creative, calm, and available and can't help but compare myself to their “perfection.” But here’s the truth: your child doesn’t need a perfect parent. They just need a good enough one.

This phrase “the good enough parent” was introduced by British pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott back in the mid-20th century. He noticed that children don’t thrive because their parents never make mistakes. They thrive because, in the everyday rhythm of caregiving, parents provide enough love, enough safety, and enough presence for a child to grow in their own unique way.

Over the last few decades, science has continued to support Winnicott’s ideas. In the 1970s, researcher Mary Ainsworth created the now-famous “Strange Situation” study, which showed that children form secure attachments not because their parents are perfect, but because their parents are sensitive and responsive much of the time. Later, Ed Tronick’s “Still Face” experiment revealed that even when parents miss a baby’s signals, what really matters is coming back into connection. Through study and experience, we’ve learned that repair, not perfection, helps children thrive as they learn and grow. 

Other researchers have pointed out that striving for perfection can actually make things harder. Parenting expert Jay Belsky, for example, showed that stress and pressure often get in the way of healthy parent–child connections. Modern writers like Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson (authors of The Power of Showing Up) reassure us that showing up consistently, even imperfectly, positively impacts a child’s brain development and sense of security.

I think about this in my own parenting often. There have been plenty of times when I’ve lost my patience over homework battles, the mad scramble to get out the door in the morning, or bedtime protests. In the heat of the moment, I often mess up or do things “imperfectly.”  But what I’ve learned is that the repair matters more than the slip. I'm learning to circle back, whether it’s with a hug, an apology, or just taking a calmer moment together. My kids certainly won’t remember me as perfect, but they’ll remember that I cared enough to come back.

We are all learning as we go, similar to how humans learn to walk: We stumble, we fall, we get back up and move forward. In the same way, our children are learning about relationships through us. Our missteps and stumbles are not proof of failure, they’re part of the process. Winnicott believed that these imperfect, “good enough” moments are what help kids build resilience and strength. And I believe it too, because I’ve seen it, not just in the research or in the families I work with, but because I’m living it every day.

If you’ve been carrying the heavy burden of guilt that you’re not doing enough or “ruining” your kids, I encourage you to pause, breathe, and remind yourself: Your child doesn’t need a flawless parent. They need you: human, imperfect, loving, and learning right alongside them. Good enough is more than enough.

Resources: 

If this idea resonates with you, here are a few resources you might enjoy:

1. Donald Winnicott’s The Child, the Family, and the Outside World – where he first introduced the “good enough parent.”

2. The Power of Showing Up by Daniel Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson – a modern, practical guide rooted in attachment science.

3. Ed Tronick’s Still Face Experiment (a short video online) – a striking demonstration of how repair matters more than perfection.

4. Hold On to Your Kids by Gabor Maté – a validating read about the importance of connection.

5. Kristin Neff’s book Self-Compassion (or her TED talk) – a helpful antidote to perfectionism.

Source: https://thesupportspace.wordpress.com/category/parenthood/

What I Wish I Knew: A Parent’s Guide to Navigating Special Education

When I first stepped into the world of special education as a parent, I thought I was prepared. I’m a licensed therapist and I had already spent years working inside the school system. But nothing truly readied me for what it feels like to sit on the other side of the table; this time, as a mom advocating for her child.

Like many parents, I quickly discovered that the special education system is complicated, full of acronyms, timelines, and legal language that can make your head spin. I also learned that even when you know the system and language professionally, it feels very different when it’s your own child.

While not a replacement for a comprehensive list or lesson on special education law, this post is my attempt to share the things I wish someone had told me in the beginning, including rights, terms, processes, and encouragement that may make advocating for your child a little less overwhelming. Coming from a place of professional knowledge and personal experience, my hope is that you’ll feel more confident walking into meetings, asking the hard questions, and remembering that you are your child’s best advocate.

Disclaimer: I'm not an attorney, and this post is not intended as legal advice. Special education laws and timelines can vary by state, so always double-check details with your local school district or a qualified legal professional if you need specific guidance.

Parent Rights

One of the most important things I’ve learned as a parent in the special education system is that we have rights, and they matter. These are just a few rights I found helpful to keep in mind for myself, and have often used to reassure my clients who navigate the special education world. 

• 90 days right: When you put in a written request for your child to be evaluated for services, at any time during the year,  the school is on the clock. They have 90 days to complete the evaluation and let you know if your child qualifies for services, and set up a plan. That timeline is there to protect your child from unnecessary delays, so don’t be afraid to hold the school accountable. I recommend emailing your request directly to your child's teacher and/or principal so that you have your own record of when the request was made. 

• Support in meetings: You also don’t have to walk into meetings alone. You have the right to bring someone with you; whether that’s a professional advocate, a lawyer, or even just a trusted friend who can take notes and help you feel supported. Having another voice in the room can make a huge difference. My own experience working with a professional advocate was invaluable. 

• Right to appeal: If you disagree with what the school decides, you don’t have to just accept it. You have the right to appeal. That might mean asking for mediation, filing a complaint, or requesting a due process hearing. These options exist because your perspective matters.

• Right to contribute and/or request records: Most importantly, remember that you are an equal member of your child’s team. The school cannot create or finalize a 504 Plan or IEP without parent/guardian input. You also have the right to see all of your child’s records, so you know exactly what’s being said and done on their behalf. It was easiest for me to request copies of everything at meetings and keep them in a folder on my Google drive for reference. 

Common Terms & Processes

One of the biggest challenges I faced early on was simply keeping up with all the acronyms. The special education world has a language of its own, and at first I felt like I needed a dictionary just to follow along in meetings. Here are a few of the most common terms you’ll likely hear:

• When your child needs extra support at school, you’ll often hear two terms: a 504 Plan and an IEP. While they sound similar, they serve different purposes.

• A 504 Plan is designed to give children with a physical or mental impairment access to the classroom. It provides accommodations (things like extra time on tests, preferential seating, or movement breaks) that help a student learn alongside their peers. It doesn’t change what your child is taught, just how they access the learning. 

• An IEP, or Individualized Education Plan, goes a step further. It’s meant for children whose disabilities require specialized instruction. An IEP not only lists accommodations but also sets specific learning goals and provides services like speech therapy, occupational therapy, social work, or small-group teaching. It’s a legally binding plan under federal education law that shapes how your child is taught, not just how they access the classroom.

In short: a 504 Plan levels the playing field, while an IEP changes the game plan to meet your child’s unique learning needs.

• LRE:  You might come across the term LRE, which stands for Least Restrictive Environment. This means schools are required to educate children with disabilities alongside their peers as much as possible, providing supports before moving a child into a more separate setting.

• FAPE: Another big one is FAPE, or Free Appropriate Public Education. In simple terms, this is your child’s federal right to an education at no cost to you, designed to meet their unique needs.

• FBA & BIP: If your child struggles with behavior, the school may suggest an FBA, or Functional Behavioral Assessment. This is a way to figure out why certain behaviors are happening. From there, the team may create a BIP, or Behavior Intervention Plan, which lays out strategies and supports to help your child succeed.

• Related Services: You might also hear about related services—things like speech therapy, occupational therapy, or social work—that can be written into an IEP if they’re necessary for your child to learn.

• PWN: And when changes are proposed (or denied) in your child’s plan, the school must give you a Prior Written Notice (PWN), which is a formal document explaining what decisions were made and why.

Final Thoughts

It’s a lot to take in, but the more familiar you become with the language, the more confident you’ll feel in those meetings. You don’t have to be fluent in “SPED-speak” right away. Just knowing the basics can help you keep the focus where it belongs—on your child.

Navigating the special education system is rarely straightforward, but you don’t have to do it alone or feel powerless in the process. By learning our rights as parents and trusting our role as equal members of the team, we can approach each meeting with greater confidence. While school professionals bring expertise to the table, we as parents/guardians can bring something no one else can, and that is deep, personal knowledge of our children. Our inclusion and advocacy on the IEP team for our children is not only our right, but is essential and powerful, and is exactly what our children need to learn and thrive.

Looking for additional support? If you’ve been thinking about starting therapy—or returning to it—this is your reminder that you don’t have to walk through life’s challenges alone. I am here to provide a safe, supportive space where you can process, heal, and discover new ways to move forward with confidence and clarity.