The Ache of Invisible Loss: Processing Ambiguous Grief

We tend to understand grief through a familiar script. There is a death, a funeral, a season of mourning, and a community that gathers with casseroles and condolences. It is a loss with a clear beginning, middle, and end—a defined “before” and “after.”

But what happens when what you lose never technically dies?

What do you do with the hollow ache of a loss that has no finish line, no ceremony, and no socially recognized place to land?

This is ambiguous grief—the emotional experience of losing something or someone without clarity or closure. It is the mourning of what is still present but profoundly changed, or what never came to be at all. The loss is real, even if it is invisible.

Because ambiguous grief lacks clear markers, it often goes unrecognized by others. That invisibility can make the pain feel confusing, isolating, and difficult to process. Naming the loss is often the first step toward healing.

Common Experiences of Ambiguous Grief

When a Relationship Ends (But the Person Is Still Alive)

One of the most common forms of ambiguous grief follows the end of a relationship—divorce, estrangement, friendship breakups, or being “ghosted.” The person still exists in the world, but they no longer exist in your life in the way they once did.

You are not only grieving the person—you are grieving the future you imagined together. It is the grief of seeing someone familiar become emotionally unreachable, a stranger you still recognize.

The Death of a Life Season

Life transitions often bring unacknowledged grief. Moving from single life to partnership, from no children to parenting, changing careers, or watching children leave home can all stir ambiguous loss.

Even positive, planned changes come with the loss of predictability and identity. Missing a former version of your life does not mean you regret the present—it means you are human.

The Versions of Yourself That Never Happened

Sometimes grief lives in the gap between who we hoped we would become and where life actually led us. Career paths shift, goals remain unmet, and the imagined future quietly disappears.

Letting go of a hoped‑for version of yourself is a real loss. Accepting that loss often takes time, compassion, and intentional meaning‑making.

The Person Someone Will Never Be

Perhaps the most painful form of ambiguous grief is recognizing that someone you love will never be able to meet your emotional needs. This often involves parents, partners, or caregivers.

Grieving who someone cannot be—even while they remain physically present—can feel deeply lonely. It is a loss without closure, answers, or repair.

Making Space for Ambiguous Grief

Because ambiguous grief does not involve a clear loss, it is often minimized—by others and by ourselves. Yet the body and nervous system frequently respond just as they would to traditional grief. Rumination, anger, sadness, longing, guilt, and emotional exhaustion are common.

People experiencing ambiguous grief may move through familiar emotional processes—bargaining, anger, sadness, acceptance—but not in a linear way. Unlike traditional grief, ambiguous grief often does not “end.” Instead, it becomes something we learn to carry differently over time.

Healing does not mean finding closure. It means learning to live with uncertainty, honoring what was lost, and allowing grief to coexist with meaning and resilience.

By naming ambiguous grief, we give ourselves permission to seek support, validate our pain, and begin healing—even when the loss cannot be neatly defined.

References for Further Reading

Boss, P. (1999). Ambiguous loss: Learning to live with unresolved grief. Harvard University Press.

Boss, P. (2006). Loss, trauma, and resilience: Therapeutic work with ambiguous loss. W. W. Norton & Company.

Boss, P., & Yeats, J. R. (2014). Ambiguous loss: A complicated type of grief when loved ones disappear. Bereavement Care, 33(2), 63–69.

American Psychological Association. (2022). Ambiguous loss and the myth of closure. Speaking of Psychology Podcast.

Mayo Clinic Health System. (2023). Coping with ambiguous loss.

Neimeyer, R. A., Klass, D., & Dennis, M. R. (2014). A social constructionist account of grief: Loss and the narration of meaning. Death Studies, 38(8), 485–498.

The Self‑Care Strategy: Building a Life You Don’t Need to Escape From

Self‑care.
If you’re anything like me, you probably sighed—or rolled your eyes—a little when you read that word.

Over the past few years, self‑care has taken on a life of its own. Social media is flooded with perfectly curated images and ads promoting the latest self‑care trend. Most of them require extra time, extra money, or both—and let’s be honest, who has an abundance of either these days?

Despite its trendy reputation, self‑care is essential to our overall well‑being. The problem is that many of us have been sold a version of self‑care that misses the point entirely. It’s not just pedicures, impulse Amazon purchases, or Netflix binges (though those things absolutely have their place). When self‑care gets reduced to occasional treats instead of intentional care, many people end up stuck in a familiar cycle: pushing through exhaustion, burning out, and wondering why they still feel depleted.

Self‑Care: The What (and the What Not)

So what is self‑care, really?

At its core, self‑care simply means caring for yourself. It’s about meeting your needs consistently, not perfectly. Self‑care can be broken down into a few basic areas: physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual. While we all share these categories, what fills them will look different for each person.

I love a good metaphor, so let’s look at self‑care through the lens of caring for a puppy.

• The puppy needs walks and grooming to stay healthy (physical).

• The puppy needs training and challenges to stimulate her mind and build self‑control (mental).

• The puppy needs affection and reassurance that she’s the goodest girl (emotional).

• The puppy needs socialization to learn how to interact with others (social).

Now, what happens if one or two of those needs get ignored?

• Without enough physical activity, the puppy has too much energy and gets into trouble.

• Without mental stimulation, she gets bored and chews things she shouldn’t.

• Without affection, she becomes sad and insecure.

• Without socialization, she struggles with boundaries and relationships.

Sound familiar?

Now Let’s Apply This to You

One of the most common things I hear from people is, “I don’t even know where to start.” That makes sense—our lives are already packed with responsibilities, obligations, and endless to‑do lists.

A helpful place to begin is by creating a Self‑Care Menu. This takes a little upfront effort, but it sets you up for long‑term success.

Start by making a list of activities that fit into each self‑care category (physical, mental, emotional, social, spiritual). Choose things you genuinely enjoy and find life‑giving—not things you feel like you should do.

Next, get realistic about time.

• A walk might take anywhere from 5 to 30+ minutes.

• Many grounding exercises can be done in under 10 minutes.

• Reading, journaling, or working on a puzzle can be flexible.

• Coffee with a friend might take 30–60 minutes.

Once you have your menu, begin weaving these options into your day when small pockets of time appear. Over time, you’ll start to notice which areas need attention and which feel more balanced.

If a puppy has boundless energy, you know she needs a walk. If she won’t stop jumping on the counter, she probably needs some training and structure. The same is true for us. Our stress, irritability, exhaustion, or emotional shutdown are signals—not failures.

The puppy deserves consistent care.
And so do you.

Meet Claire Leech — Now Full‑Time at Summit Family Therapy!

We’re excited to share some great news with our Summit community — Claire Leech, LPC, is officially joining Summit Family Therapy as a full-time therapist! She has passed her LCPC exam and will have her independent license in just a few weeks.

Claire has already been a wonderful part of our clinical community, and we’re thrilled to have her stepping into a full-time role. She brings a calm, compassionate presence and a genuine passion for helping people feel supported, understood, and empowered in their healing journey.

Get to Know Claire

Claire is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor with a Master’s degree in Counseling from Lincoln Christian University and a background in Psychology from Bradley University. She has experience providing outpatient counseling in both private practice and school settings, and she values ongoing learning, collaboration, and thoughtful care for every client she works with.

Her style is grounded, relational, and client-centered — she believes therapy works best when people feel safe, heard, and met right where they are. Many clients appreciate her steady presence and her ability to create a space that feels both supportive and gently challenging when growth is needed.

How Claire Supports Clients

Claire works with adults and couples, helping clients navigate life transitions, emotional challenges, relationship concerns, and personal growth. She is trained in EMDR, Gottman Method (Level I), and attachment- and trauma-informed approaches, and she integrates evidence-based practices with warmth and empathy.

Clients who are looking for a therapist who is attuned, thoughtful, and collaborative often feel especially comfortable with Claire. She takes time to understand each client’s story and works at a pace that feels respectful and empowering, rather than rushed or one-size-fits-all.

She’s also deeply committed to professional growth and collaboration, regularly participating in consultation and continuing education to ensure she’s providing high-quality, ethical care.

Why We’re So Glad She’s Here

Claire’s values align beautifully with Summit’s heart for therapy — connection, collaboration, and care that’s tailored to each individual. Her thoughtful approach and steady presence make her a great fit not only for our team, but for clients who are seeking meaningful, lasting change in a supportive environment.

If you’ve been wondering whether therapy might be a good fit for you — or if you’re looking for a therapist who offers both compassion and clinical depth — Claire may be a wonderful place to start.

Now Seeing Clients

Claire is now scheduling full-time openings beginning April 7th and is welcoming adults and couples who are looking for a supportive, encouraging space to work toward healing and meaningful change.

We’re so glad to have her on board — please help us give Claire a warm Summit welcome!