Navigating Grief Together: A Message from Dr. Courtney Stivers

Over the past two weeks, our workplace community has been touched by a profound wave of loss. Three of our employees have experienced the passing of close loved ones, and within my own extended family, we are mourning the loss of a child to cancer. These moments remind us of the fragility of life, the depth of human love, and the universal experience of grief that connects us all.

Grief is not a linear journey, nor is it something that follows rules or timelines. It arrives without warning, lingers in unexpected ways, and reshapes our understanding of the world. For some, it shows up as tears. For others, silence. For many, it appears as exhaustion, confusion, or even moments of laughter that bring guilt. All these experiences are real, valid, and deeply human.

The Weight We Carry

When loss touches a workplace, it doesn’t stay at the door. We bring our whole selves to our work—our strengths, our fears, our hopes, and our heartaches. As we navigate these recent losses, it's important to recognize that grief affects each of us differently. There is no “right way” to mourn. What matters is that no one faces it alone.

To everyone else who wants to help: your compassion and patience can be a powerful source of comfort. Sometimes the smallest gestures—checking in, offering help, or simply acknowledging someone’s pain—can mean more than you realize.

When Grief Hits Close to Home

As I walk through grief within my own family, I am reminded of both the pain and the privilege of being human. Losing a child—especially to something as senseless as cancer—is a wound that words cannot fully hold. My family is learning, day by day, how to breathe differently, love differently, and find meaning again in the midst of heartbreak.

Sharing this with you is not easy, but it feels important. Leaders are not immune to loss. Professionals do not cease to be vulnerable. And even those who help others through their darkest moments must also learn to walk through their own.

Years ago, I endured the painful loss of my mother after her battle with an aggressive from of breast cancer. Losing a parent leaves a particular kind of void—one filled with memories, gratitude, and the ache of unfinished conversations.

During that time, my family was lifted by tremendous support from friends, loved ones, and our community. Their meals, prayers, messages, and simple presence reminded us that even in the darkest seasons, we do not walk alone. That support helped shape how I understand compassion today—and it continually inspires the way I show up for others in moments of loss.

Supporting One Another Through the Process

Grief becomes more bearable when it is met with community. In the coming days and weeks, I encourage all of us to:

• Show grace — to yourself and others.

• Lean on the support available — whether through colleagues, friends, mental health resources, or spiritual practices.

• Recognize signs of overwhelm — such as withdrawal, irritability, or fatigue — and reach out when you notice them in others.

• Allow yourself to feel — whatever arises, without judgment.

Healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means finding ways to carry our memories forward while learning to live with a new kind of normal. 

Sending hugs to anyone who is hurting today.  You do not have to go through it alone.   

Understanding the Quarter-Life Crisis

The term quarter-life crisis describes a period of emotional upheaval and identity questioning that commonly occurs during early adulthood, roughly between the mid‑20s and mid‑30s. According to psychologist Claire Hapke, PsyD, LMFT, this phase is marked by uncertainty, pressure, and reassessment as young adults confront major life decisions with fewer clearly defined milestones than previous generations (Hapke, 2013).

Changing Pathways to Adulthood

Historically, adulthood followed a relatively predictable sequence:

• Graduation

• Full-time employment

• Marriage

• Home ownership

• Parenthood

• Retirement

In contrast, today’s young adults often pursue extended education to increase earning potential, begin adulthood with significant student loan debt, and delay traditional milestones such as marriage and home ownership. Current trends show that the average age of marriage has shifted later—approximately age 29 for men and 27 for women in the United States (U.S. Census Bureau, 2023). These changes have disrupted previously accepted timelines for “success” and stability.

Developmental Tasks of the Quarter-Life Period

During this stage, individuals typically work through several key developmental tasks:

• Transitioning from school to the workforce

• Moving out of the family home

• Working toward financial independence

• Making autonomous decisions

• Renegotiating the caregiver–child relationship with parents

As the structured environment of education ends, young adults encounter the challenge of self‑direction. With fewer external guidelines, many struggle with questions such as Who am I? and What am I supposed to be doing with my life? Research suggests individuals may experience up to seven career changes between the ages of 18 and 30, contributing to feelings of instability and disorientation (Bureau of Labor Statistics, 2022).

Emotional and Behavioral Effects

The uncertainty associated with a quarter-life crisis can manifest in a variety of emotional and behavioral responses, including:

• Depression

• Anxiety

• Decreased motivation

• Low self‑esteem and self‑worth

• Social isolation

• Insecurity

• Substance misuse

• Increased engagement in risky behaviors

Many individuals describe this phase as feeling “cast out to sea”—expected to navigate adulthood independently without a clear map or destination.

Common Quarter-Life Crisis Experiences

Two patterns commonly emerge during this period:

“Locked In”
Individuals may secure stable employment with competitive pay yet feel deeply dissatisfied or trapped. Although externally successful, they experience internal conflict and diminished fulfillment.

“Locked Out”
Others encounter repeated rejection and frustration when attempting to enter desired career fields, often due to limited experience or competitive job markets. This can foster feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness.

Generational Pressures and Social Comparison

Sally White notes that millennials (born approximately between 1980 and 2000) are frequently labeled as narcissistic or entitled, yet these characterizations fail to account for the structural and economic challenges shaping their experiences (White, 2016). The traditional model of success no longer aligns with current realities, and constant social comparison—amplified through social media—can intensify feelings of failure and self‑doubt.

White emphasizes that comparing one’s behind‑the‑scenes struggles to others’ curated online successes is both unrealistic and harmful, often exacerbating quarter-life distress.

Support and Growth During a Quarter-Life Crisis

Experiencing a quarter-life crisis does not indicate personal failure. Instead, it reflects a normative developmental transition within a rapidly changing social and economic landscape. Working with a professional counselor can be beneficial in addressing this phase by focusing on:

• Increasing self‑esteem and self‑worth

• Engaging in identity and self‑exploration

• Differentiating external expectations from internal values

• Clarifying personal wants and needs

• Exploring, committing to, or recommitting to core values

With appropriate support, individuals can use this period as an opportunity for growth, self‑definition, and intentional life planning.

References

Arnett, J. J. (2000). Emerging adulthood: A theory of development from the late teens through the twenties. American Psychologist, 55(5), 469–480. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.55.5.469

Bureau of Labor Statistics. (2022). Number of jobs, labor market experience, and earnings growth among Americans. U.S. Department of Labor. https://www.bls.gov

Hapke, C. (2013). Understanding the quarter-life crisis. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com

U.S. Census Bureau. (2023). Median age at first marriage: 1890 to present. https://www.census.gov

White, S. (2016). Quarter-life crisis: Defining millennial success [TED Talk]. https://www.ted.com/talks/sally_white_quarter_life_crisis_defining_millenial_success