In Peoria, Illinois, we offer couples therapy, marriage counseling, family therapy, children's counseling, individual counseling, sex addiction counseling, EMDR, trauma counseling, and assessments.

Robin Hayles, MA, LCPC 5/3/20 Robin Hayles, MA, LCPC 5/3/20

Coping with COVID 19: Is My Current Sadness Really Grief?

Are you having trouble identifying your feelings during the COVID 19 pandemic? You might be experiencing grief. In a recent Harvard Business Review, foremost expert on grief and author David Kessler, states there is a 6th stage of grief. Kessler co-wrote with Elisabeth Kubler-Ross about the 5 stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. In Kessler’s new book, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, he says that after acceptance stage there can be meaning. He is also the founder of www.grief.com.

Are you having trouble identifying your feelings during the COVID 19 pandemic? You might be experiencing grief. In a recent Harvard Business Review, foremost expert on grief and author David Kessler, states there is a 6th stage of grief. Kessler co-wrote with Elisabeth Kubler-Ross about the 5 stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. In Kessler’s new book, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, he says that after acceptance stage there can be meaning. He is also the founder of www.grief.com.

Kessler states that:

We are feeling a number of different griefs, it feels like the world has changed and it has. We are hoping it’s only temporary but it doesn’t feel that way. There’s a loss of normalcy; fear of economic toll; and the loss of connection. We are not used to this kind of collective grief in the air.

We may also be feeling anticipatory grief because the future is uncertain. Typically, this happens with an impending death or receiving a dire diagnosis. Anticipatory grief is confusing. We know there’s potential for bad things to happen. We sense a loss of safety, but we can’t see it. We no longer feel safe.

It’s important to understand that there isn’t a map for grief or for the grieving. People manage their grief in different ways and in unpredictable timelines. I won’t get the virus—denial. I have to miss my activities and stay home—anger. If I social distance for two weeks, I’ll be fine—bargaining. Will this ever end? —sadness. Ok, I have to figure this out—acceptance. We find power in acceptance.

Unhealthy anticipatory grief is really anxiety about the unknown. We imagine future worst-case scenarios. We don’t want to dismiss this anxiety. The goal needs to be finding balance in the things you are thinking. Not everyone who gets sick, will die. By staying in the moment, being mindful, you can calm yourself. Name five objects in the room. Breathe. I’m okay.

Let go of what you can’t control. Be compassionate. Be patient. People aren’t their “normal selves right now.” The most troubling part of this pandemic is the open-endedness of the situation. This is temporary even though it feels like forever.

Kessler identifies the sixth stage as finding meaning after acceptance. We want/need to find meaning in suffering. This might look different to different individuals, groups, and societies depending on their circumstances and experiences.

Take time to feel your emotions, name them and allow them to move through you. Leave the “would of, could of, should of” out of your feelings.

Most of us tend to identify grief in relation to a death. Grief can also be experienced from any loss —loss of relationship, loss of job/career, loss of home, loss of financial security, loss of a pet, and loss of a dream.

If you or someone you know is struggling with grief, it’s important to seek out professional help with a qualified therapist. What has been your hardest loss to cope with?

Resources

Berinato, S. (2020, March 23). That discomfort you’re feeling is grief. Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2020/03/that-discomfort-youre-feeling-is-grief

Katie Neidetcher, MA, LCPC 4/28/20 Katie Neidetcher, MA, LCPC 4/28/20

Tele-what? Taking the Mystery Out of Telehealth Counseling

Life in the time of COVID. There are a multitude of extra stressors that are occurring right now. People are being stretched in ways that they didn’t know existed. You might be feeling totally exhausted, stressed to the brim, anxious about what is to come, having issues with everyone in your family being stuck in the house, or feeling like things are out of control. On top of this — the typical things in your life are still going on.

Now, more than ever, people need to be aware of their mental health, how it has been affected, and what resources are available to help combat this.

Tele-counseling is one option for working through your struggles, emotions, frustrations, or just processing through this difficult time. Like traditional counseling, telehealth provides the same support and encouragement that you would receive in an in-person session and allows you to maintain physical safety, follow the social distancing guidelines, and still receive the help you need.

Tele-counseling is different, there’s no denying that. However, current research suggests that tele-counseling is just as effective as traditional counseling. A study completed by Andrews, Basu, Cuijpers, Craske, McEvoy, English, and Newby in 2018 compared traditional Cognitive Behavior Therapy to internet-based Cognitive Behavior Therapy and found that both were equally effective for treating anxiety and depression.

Let’s answer some questions about tele-counseling!

Tele-counseling won’t be as personal as in-person.

Your therapist will work to ensure that the same therapeutic relationship is provided though the tele-counseling session. Your therapist will use the same skills and training that are used in a typical session to understand you and your goals, provide the therapeutic relationship, and help you to feel supported.

How do I know that this is private?

Summit Family Therapy uses a secure, HIPAA-compliant service to provide the video connection for therapy. The therapist will be in an office, the same as if you were in the office.

There are some tips to provide privacy on your end. Some people have private space in their home. You can use headphones to ensure that others are not able to hear the therapist’s responses. You might consider leaving your home and finding a different quite space. Use this as an opportunity to get out of the house while respecting social distancing. Maybe take a drive and stop somewhere with a nice view, a park, or your favorite spot. The beauty of tele-counseling is that you can be anywhere, as long as you have internet and privacy.

I don’t have a computer with a camera.

Great news! You don’t need to have a computer. You are able to use your phone, tablet, or other device to participate in your tele-counseling session. There is an easy to download app for both IOS and Android that can be downloaded to any device with a working camera. If you have trouble with this, we can support you through getting this downloaded and coaching you over the phone.

I am not tech-savvy, this will be too difficult.

The program we use is simple and easy to use. You will get a link to your email to go to your private, virtual waiting room. When it is time for your session, the therapist will join you there — just like when they would find you in the office waiting room. Once you are in the session, there is nothing more you need to do.

What if I don’t like it?

Just like any therapy, if you aren’t happy, you don’t need to continue. If you find that you are feeling uncomfortable during the session, bring this up! Your therapist can help to process this and help you to make the best decision, for you, to move forward.

What are the benefits of tele-counseling?

Just like any therapy, this is a relationship and the same benefits exist; however, there are added benefits of using tele-counseling:

• You can attend sessions from anywhere • There is no drive time to the office •

• More flexibility in scheduling • Less risk of exposure to illness •

• Easy to access • Limited wait time •

• No need to change out of your pjs • Be in the comfort of your own space •