Reflecting on Dr. James Dobson’s Legacy: Parenting, Child Welfare, and Controversy

Dr. James Dobson, a prominent evangelical leader and founder of Focus on the Family, passed away on August 21, 2025, at the age of 89. Throughout his life, Dobson was a significant figure in American family dynamics, offering guidance to millions of parents while also sparking debates on child-rearing practices.

As a psychotherapist and someone who was raised in a household influenced by his teachings, I wanted to sit with this news for a few days before sharing my thoughts.

A Voice in Parenting and Child Welfare

Dobson's influence began with his 1970s book Dare to Discipline, which advocated for structured parenting and the use of corporal punishment. He believed in the importance of parental authority and discipline, emphasizing the need for clear boundaries and consequences for children. His approach resonated with many parents seeking guidance during times of societal change.

Over the years, Dobson authored over 70 books and hosted a nationally syndicated radio program, Family Talk, reaching millions of listeners. His messages often centered on traditional family values, marriage, and child-rearing, providing a framework for many navigating the complexities of modern parenting.

Controversies and Criticisms

While Dobson's work garnered widespread support, it also attracted criticism. Many child development experts and psychologists have since challenged the efficacy and safety of corporal punishment, suggesting that such methods can lead to negative emotional and behavioral outcomes for children. I would also argue that Dobson's endorsement of physical discipline may have contributed to a normalization of practices now recognized as harmful and potentially abusive.

My major concern is that Dobson largely did not update or correct his guidance even after research consistently showed negative effects of corporal punishment and harsh discipline. While science evolved and child development experts emphasized evidence-based approaches, Dobson continued to promote methods that we now know are outdated or harmful. This raises difficult questions about the responsibility of influential figures to adapt messaging in light of new evidence, particularly when it affects vulnerable children. Even the most loving parents may unintentionally cause harm if given flawed expert advice, especially when it is connected to their faith.

Furthermore, I know of many individuals who have shared personal accounts of experiencing emotional distress and trauma linked to the parenting techniques Dobson promoted. These testimonies highlight the complex and sometimes painful impact of his teachings on certain families.

The Hidden Wounds of Purity Culture and 'Breaking a Child's Will'

At Summit Family Therapy, we often support adults untangling from deeply ingrained messages—particularly those shaped by purity culture or the ideal of authoritarian obedience. These cultural legacies frequently intersect in ways that harm identity, autonomy, and emotional safety.

Purity Culture’s Impact on Self and Body

Purity culture—common in conservative religious settings—emphasizes sexual abstinence, modesty, and rigid gender expectations. Girls are sometimes taught that their value lies in their "purity," and anyone who steps outside those defined boundaries may feel immediately less worthy or spiritually inadequate. This initiates cycles of shame, guilt, and mistrust in one's own body and feelings.

For those raised in purity culture, shame may become woven into identity—deepening inner conflict, distorting sexual understanding, and making intimate relationships difficult or even frightening.

“Breaking a Child’s Will” in Religious Parenting

Another common thread is the idea—often rooted in certain evangelical teachings—that children must be molded into submissive adults through rigid, sometimes painful discipline. Popular guides like Dare to Discipline and The Strong-Willed Child encouraged physical correction as a means to "correct" behavior, under the belief it would align children with both family and spiritual values.

Decades of research now show that such practices—while perhaps effective in the short term—often lead to long-lasting trauma, issues with self-esteem, emotional dysregulation, and relational patterns marked by fear rather than trust.

Healing the Disconnect

When purity culture and authoritarian discipline converge, many adults grow up feeling disconnected from their emotions, bodies, and fairly often—as though they were never truly permitted to develop their own moral code. This can look like difficulty setting boundaries, resisting people-pleasing, feeling unseen, or even fearing autonomy.

As a trauma-informed therapist, I believe healing begins with a reclamation of self—through connection, compassion, and therapeutic exploration. It looks like rediscovering your body as safe, your voice as valid, and your boundaries as essential. It means learning to hear and honor what your emotions and physical self are communicating so you can move toward agency, healing, and deeper resilience.

Adults Deconstructing Faith and Reprocessing Childhood Experiences

In recent years, many adults have begun to deconstruct their faith and critically reflect on the religious and cultural messages they received as children. For some, this journey has revealed painful connections between strict, authoritarian parenting models and experiences of emotional or physical harm. Dobson’s teachings, particularly around discipline and obedience, are often cited by individuals as shaping environments where fear, shame, or corporal punishment were normalized.

These adults may struggle with feelings of betrayal, confusion, or anger, recognizing that the very structures meant to instill morality and love sometimes caused harm. Therapy and supportive communities can play a crucial role in processing these experiences, reclaiming autonomy, and separating spiritual beliefs from harmful practices, ultimately helping individuals heal from intergenerational and faith-based trauma.

My Own Experiences

I can still remember sitting in seminars at my faith-based college where the message was clear: virginal purity was the most valuable thing a person—especially a woman—could offer. Those who “fell short” of this expectation were described as tainted, dirty, a wilted flower, or used up. Yet, in reality, less than 5% of Americans wait until marriage to have sex.

When I think back on those teachings now, my heart breaks for every survivor of sexual abuse or assault who was in that room. Hearing spiritual leaders declare that they were dirty or ruined only reinforced the shame and self-blame they already carried. I want to scream and weep for every woman who has come into my office carrying this burden of shame.

A Lasting Impact

James Dobson’s impact on parenting and family life cannot be overstated. He offered guidance, community, and a sense of direction to many parents seeking support. At the same time, it’s clear that some of his methods contributed to emotional harm, leaving lasting effects on children who grew up under strict or fear-based discipline.

As a therapist, I see the importance of reflecting on this legacy honestly. Understanding the past allows us to embrace compassionate, evidence-based approaches to parenting and healing, while honoring the experiences of those who were hurt.

If you are navigating feelings related to childhood experiences, faith, or family trauma, therapy can be a safe place to explore and heal. I invite you to schedule a session with me, Dr. Courtney Stivers, to begin untangling these experiences and reclaiming your sense of safety and self-worth.