Where Do I Begin? A Divorce Survival Guide

No one enters a marriage expecting to get divorced. Yet, when it happens, it brings a host of challenges—financial stress, legal concerns, changes in living arrangements, emotional impact on children, and effects on your physical and mental health. Let’s face it: divorce is a crisis. In a crisis, your brain doesn’t function normally; it shifts into fight-or-flight mode, triggering a cascade of changes.

Physical Changes

You may notice shifts in your appetite and eating habits—either eating very little or overeating. Sleep can become difficult, whether falling asleep or staying asleep. Increased anxiety, panic attacks, depression, crying spells, and fatigue are also common.

Mental Changes

Emotional reactivity often increases. You may find yourself lashing out at unsolicited advice or during minor disagreements. At times, you might shut down because your nervous system feels overwhelmed.

Thinking and memory can suffer. Conversations may feel impossible, and listening to others’ problems may seem unbearable because your brain feels overloaded. Concentrating at work becomes challenging, and even small talk with co-workers can feel exhausting.

The Grief of Divorce

Divorce is a profound loss—similar to grieving the death of a loved one. You lose a partner, a best friend, and a companion, along with shared plans and a sense of identity. Other losses often follow, such as mutual friends or family connections from your spouse’s side. Your family experiences this transition with you. If you have children, their emotional well-being becomes a major concern, adding pressure to balance self-care with caring for them. Expect a whirlwind of emotions: anger, fear, guilt, regret, loneliness, relief, longing, and hurt. Experiencing so many feelings at once can be confusing.

Strategies to Support Your Brain and Body

• Practice Self-Care: Prioritize sleep, eat well, and exercise. Physical activity reduces stress and boosts mood by releasing endorphins, serotonin, and dopamine.

• Connect with Others: Talking helps manage stress. Seek out people who listen without judgment. Remember, your divorce experience is unique—even if others have gone through something similar.

• Practice Mindfulness: Stay present and check in with your body. Deep breathing and grounding exercises can calm your stress response.

• Follow a Routine: Divorce-related stress can feel overwhelming. A predictable routine creates structure, helping your brain feel safer and giving you mental breaks from the process.

Final Thoughts

A therapist can provide a safe space to process your feelings. Divorce takes an emotional toll, and while ups and downs are inevitable, having a supportive professional by your side during this life transition is invaluable. If you’re going through a divorce, consider reaching out to a local therapist, such as myself at Summit Family Therapy, for guidance and support.